Heart attacks! Get’cher heart attacks right ‘here!

You know how reports are always complaining about how Americans are the most obese people in the world? I’m pretty sure that this is the equivalent to taking five million steps backwards with only the slightest bend forward. Straight from the land of fiction to fact: it would appear that the most dangerous game in America is not football, NASCAR or video games (despite what crazy lawyer Jack Thompson might think), but minor league baseball. Actually, it’s the food that’s served at the games of a minor league baseball team in Sauget, Illinois.

Nothing spikes attendance to minor league baseball games like heart attacks and diabetes.

No commies, no space race

The big question on NASA’s giant collective mind right now: Mars or Saturn?

And for the more sophomoric out there, no, Uranus is not “an ideal spot ripe for exploration.”

Until NASA makes its choice, expect further tax dollars funneled into robots that do not work, only sent to two locations instead of one. By the way, isn’t there a space station and telescope these guys don’t play with anymore?

What is it with new species this week?

In keeping with the recent trends of this blog to cover artifacts and new species, have you ever heard of a rat-squirrel? Didn’t think so. Most non-paleontologists haven’t, since science was said it had gone extinct millions of years ago. That is until they found one this week.

In a modern-day coelacanth story (that story is so last century!), scientists found a live species of a family long thought to be extinct for 11 million years. It was found this week in Laos. Scientists say they are pleased to find an ancient species to study, and add that it is best served with a side of kimchi.

In other news, cancel your weekend plans.

Who says American kids can’t learn?

They’ve already figured out how to shirk responsibility like their parents.

Native-born American students have once again been trounced by their immigrant counterparts in the classroom. The foreign students say grades are accomplished by “studying harder.” The Americans say “better teaching.”

Probably the worst part of this survey is the “no duh” factor. I’m a student still. Of course I’m lazy and will gladly blame anyone else.

After all, isn’t that the American way?

Caveat lobster

It would appear that France has discovered something furry other than the legs of their native female inhabitants.

A new species of crustacean has appeared off of the coast of Easter Island. So unique is this creature that it has genus. That’s fairly big for all of you non-biologist type people. Seriously people, the comparison between furry limbed crustaceans and French women with crabs writes itself.

Wonder how it tastes?

And you thought old people sucked hard

Stories like these truly reek hard of bottom of the barrel, low grade zombie movies. I should know-I’m a big fan of them. Unfortunately, I don’t even see it being green-lit by Lion’s Gate Films, or even Artisan Pictures before the buy out. I mean, this screams of a whole new form of social commentary that George Romero couldn’t even think of…….thankfully.

Ambien of the Dead”, anyone?