McDonald’s heralds end of ‘Red Empire’

McDonald’s has struck a deathblow for capitalism in the very heart of Soviet Russia, much more a deathblow than Rocky Balboa’s defeat of Captain Ivan Drago.

The fastfood chain opened its first franchise in Moscow. Inexplicably, the Soviet proles are lining up and spending an alleged “several days’ wages for Big Macs, shakes, and french fries.” This tlog guesses that Quarter Pounders are somewhat tastier than gruel and hardened bread. (Guess what the special sauce is there.)

The Guys predict the USSR will be done for in one year. Remember, you read it here first.

DC crack receives Mayor Barry’s stamp of approval

If you haven’t tried crack in DC yet because you’re afraid it might be bad for you, Mayor Marion Barry has demonstrated that it’s safe.

Barry took one for the team with his arrest today after he was caught smoking crack with Rasheeda Moore. Ms. Moore allegedly set Barry up in exchange for leniency in her own crack-related criminal charges.

Quote of the Day:

“The bitch set me up! The bitch set me up!”