| Posted in Booze News

Time to get wrecked: Brewery recreates beer from 1842 shipwreck

Four years ago we told you about some beer and champagne from the 1840s that was found in a shipwreck at the bottom of the Baltic Sea near Finland. Then we told you when some of the champagne went up for auction a year later. Now, we’ve got another exciting update.

You can buy the beer. OK, well you can buy some beer that was recreated by Belgian scientists after analyzing the beer that had been chilling since 1842. They found what type of yeast was used and figured out it was from Belgium. Then they did their best to recreate the rest of the brew, because 170 years is too long for a beer to age, even a Belgian.

It can be yours for the reasonable price of $143, plus shipping, handling and duties.

| Posted in Regular Post

Killer Klowns From Outer Space California

This past weekend, numerous calls in the San Joaquin Valley area were placed with emergency services, not because of an Ebola outbreak, but for a potentially more insidious outbreak: people dressed as clowns at night holding firearms or sharp objects.

It’s theorized that the outbreak is not necessarily a string of people coming up with the same original idea at the same time, but actually a copycat outbreak of clowns, with horror clown patient zero being the “Wasco Clown,” the Instagram account of someone with serious social interaction issues.

However, what’s not confirmed is that the aliens aren’t space aliens attempting to wrap us up in cotton candy and then drink us with a silly straw. And we at SeriouslyGuys would never advocate the wholesale and unwarranted slaughter of a people just because of what they look like. That said, clowns holding weapons are rarely people.

| Posted in Regular Post

One way to quit your job: steal a train

There are a lot of creative ways to quit your job. Sadly, many of us refuse to go through with our fantasies because we treasure the prospect of a referral. Then there are people who live out their fantasies, and end up going off the rails, so to speak.

Police say an disgruntled employee at a Wyoming coal mine did just that. According to authorities, Derek Skyler Brux worked at a rail line for a coal operation, and decided to steal a train. He challenged his boss to a game of chicken. He eventually found another train to hit while going only 10 mph, then he backed up and hit it again.

He was caught when he fled on foot after causing a lot of damage, but no injuries.

| Posted in The McBournie Minute

The McBournie Minute: In defense of Christopher Columbus

This is one of those weird holidays. Some people have it off, some don’t. Some people think it’s a terrible day to celebrate, some don’t. I believe Christopher Columbus was the original American. Here’s why. (Originally published Oct. 8, 2012)

Years ago, Columbus Day was a major holiday for the Italian community. Think St. Patrick’s Day, but with less puke, more mustaches and the same amount of Catholics. It’s probably still celebrated that way in some areas of the U.S., but it’s just not the big deal it once was, in part because we figured out that Columbus wasn’t the first European to find the New World, that honor belongs to the Vikings, most likely.

It’s a strange quasi-holiday. Some people have it off, most people don’t, and no one is sure how to celebrate it. I never had it off as a kid, but I heard tell of a time, also known as When My Parents Were Kids, when Columbus Day meant a long weekend, even for students. Since then, a lot of people have said, “Hey, this Columbus guy didn’t really ‘discover’ America, because there were civilizations living here long before he showed up.”

Well, hippies, here’s why it’s an important holiday, particularly in the U.S. Continue reading

| Posted in War on Animals

Snails keep radio off the air

The latte-swilling intellectuals of Hawaii have to find something else to listen to now, because Hawaii Public Radio is off the air in some places, because of snails.

Some nasty storms knocked out HPR’s main relay facility last month, the signal has been hard to come by for part of Oahu. Repairs can’t happen because an endangered species of tree snail is mating there right now. That means crews can’t go into the forest without supervision, and coordinating that takes time.

Even snails are a threat to our way of life.

| Posted in War on Animals

Spiders now moving into nightmare house strategies

It’s October, which means it’s time for Halloween, and boy oh boy, do we have a terrifying story for you. Who’s seen The Shining? How did you feel about the flood of blood? Have you ever seen The House That Dripped Blood?

Try, instead, The House That Oozed Spiders.

At a civil trial in St. Charles County in October 2011, University of Kansas biology professor Jamel Sandidge — considered one of the nation’s leading brown recluse researchers — estimated there were between 4,500 and 6,000 spiders in the home. Making matters worse, he said, those calculations were made in the winter when the spiders are least active.

Luckily, the house is now being tented and fumigated. It’s theorized that should kill everything that may remain in the house, but just in case it doesn’t, a tactical nuke from space couldn’t hurt.

| Posted in MasterChugs Theater

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Bad Johnson’

Just consider the premise of Bad Johnson: a compulsive womanizer ruins one too many relationships, and briefly wishes he could be free of his anatomical troublemaker. Next thing you know, his penis has detached itself. It’s taken human form and is running around the city with all the uncontrolled id one might anticipate.

Now imagine what can go wrong with a film like that. And woof, there are many things. So, to fight that, you cast hilarious comedian Nick Thune in a very key role in the movie. That should make sure things are a-ok, right?

Ehhhhhhhhh … Continue reading

| Posted in War on Animals, Warrior of the Week

Warrior of the Week: Dan Garza

You know, we probably don’t give enough credit to ants. Oh, sure, they’re incredibly easy to kill. Crush them, smoosh them, they’re nothing to us. Except, there’s never just one ant, there’s always at least two around. Ants are quite literally quantity over quality.

That’s why Dan Garza might be more of a hero than we think. The California Highway Patrol officer was just doing his job when he answered a call on an interstate. A traveler asked him for a little help with a blown-out tire, there was nothing to it. And then the ants struck.

While kneeling, the motorist had been bitten a ton of times by fire ants, and as such, had an allergic reaction. Garza proceeded to keep the motorist alive with a oxygen mask until paramedics came by. The officer is now being honored for saving the man’s life. Presumably he’ll also be honored for eradicating the insectoid offenders.

| Posted in It Must Be Science!, War on Animals

Killer whales may be listening to you right now

It’s just bad news after bad news for this one. Prepare yourselves, everyone.

Bad news: Studies have found that at least two species of animals can learn each other’s languages.

Worse news: The orca (you know, killer whales) can understand and speak the language of bottlenose dolphins.

The worst news: These bilingual monsters are captive, which means they have access to humans. And that means they could learn our languages, too.