Canada has serious problems. We’re not just talking about the fact that winter is nearly here and it sucks to live there right about now. It’s far, far worse. The northwest part of Calgary may have reached “peak toilet.”
Simply put, only so much can flow through a pipe. When that pipe is located in a sewer, only so much of, well, you can guess, can flow through it. At this point the sewer system in northwest Calgary is taking about as much as it can handle, until a new part of it is completed in 2017. That means a whole lot of new houses, offices, schools and other buildings have to wait to be finished — or they have to build a privy or something.
We’d guess that when an outhouse freezes over, it’s not a pretty sight.
It seems like every year, the War on Christmas starts earlier and earlier. Why, the opening shots were fired in some stores on Thanksgiving itself, a full day ahead of its traditional start: Black Friday.
That’s why it’s good to see that the U.S. government is finally taking it seriously and not letting atheists, Muslims, Buddhists, Jewish people and other non-Americans take our greatest non-football-related holiday away from us. While it’s no secret that NORAD — our missile defense headquarters — has tracked Santa’s movements since 1955, this year they revealed that they also provide fighter escorts while he’s in our air space — just like the President!
Hey there, people in committed relationships! Isn’t it wonderful to have found someone who finally appreciates you after possibly years of dating people who didn’t know a good thing when they had it?
… Yeah, about that. Research indicates that at least one of you in your relationship would rather settle than die alone – even if your current relationship isn’t that great — and it isn’t necessarily the woman.
‘In our results we see men and women having similar concerns about being single, which lead to similar coping behaviors, contradicting the idea that only women struggle with a fear of being single,’ said co-author Dr. Geoff MacDonald.
But, let’s not get too insulted. After all, you both chose to be disappointed by each other, not left for dead in a motel bathtub full of ice by someone else. See? You have more in common than ever.
As we all have heard on the internet by now, Amazon will soon be employing drones in order to deliver your package to you in the fastest way possible, cutting out the delivery courier business middleman.
Another possible reason to stay out of the Midwest: pig farms are blowing up, and no one’s really sure why.
In recent years, hog farms have been exploding, and it’s related to foamy manure. Farmers started noticing that their hogs’ poop had a great deal of foam on it. Turns out, the foam contains methane and hydrogen sulfide, which are pretty flammable. This has left human scientists with two mysteries.
The first of which is why the pig manure is foaming in the first place, and why it’s only been happening in recent years. Some believe it’s caused by an enriched animal feed that has gained popularity, but tests aren’t conclusive.
The other, and more haunting question, is how do the sparks occur? If there’s no one around to set a fire, that must mean that, good god, the pigs have learned how to create fire.
It’s been a great decade being a Red Sox fan, multiple championships, charismatic teams and beards, not much to complain about. Three World Series titles in a decade somewhat gives you a feeling that your team being in the hunt is at least the minimum expectation. I mean let’s be real, there is no Sox fan that will ever tell you they feel they will win it all at the beginning of the year, out of shear fear that single statement will jinx the team for eternity.
Now, all that being said, aside from the feeling of being at least in contention, there is one more thing that we have gotten accustomed to as fans, and not really just this past decade, but in general, players leaving for more money with the Yankees. Continue reading →
… he’ll probably wonder why it smells like the first thing to ever overdose on Tylenol.
Frequent readers know that we are at war with animals everywhere. But there’s only one spot in the world where the War on Animals is an actual Syfy original movie: Guam. The teeny-tiny island nation is so overrun with brown tree snakes that they’ve wiped out nearly all — no, really: ALL — native bird species. They’re also somewhat poisonous and have attacked pets and children. And because they were introduced by accident through military cargo flights, there are no native predators to thin their numbers naturally.
Bloomington police, who said it was just a publicity stunt that Vorobyov hoped would persuade his estranged girlfriend to get back together
Vorobyov admitted throwing the money, which he had stamped with his YouTube address to direct people to it
He says he decided to throw out his “last $1,000 … to spread some holiday cheer … to make it snow money”
The chances of the three reasons all being one big happy accident are slim and none. So what’s the real reason? Who knows, but his act of charity ended in Vorobyov receiving a disorderly conduct ticket. I think the real question is just how much that’ll cost him.
The Nonhuman Rights Project, a group that can only be described as an insurgency, insists that the chimp be declared a person by a New York court so that it can live in better conditions than its “small, dank cement cage.” People, this is a war, and prisoners of war deserve decent treatment under the Geneva Convention, but we can’t start calling animals people. Because when everyone is a person, no one is a person.
I counted myself as one of the millions of drivers traveling this year for Thanksgiving. Though I’m amazed every year that the holiday’s chaos isn’t reported in any other country in the world. The traffic was manageable, the weather wasn’t bad, so I won’t bore you with any tales of how I sat in a car voluntarily for hours on end. I won’t even bore you with what I ate.
However, I did go to the Midwest. And as an East Coast native, it always seems just a little bit weird to me. The people are friendly and generally happy for no reason at all. Their roads are straight and flat. Weird, right?
But as I followed the news across the relatively wide region, I found that things get weirder there all the time. Continue reading →