Content Warning: Gentlemen, you may want to cross your legs in advance.
Ladies, we hope you’re proud of yourselves. After years of your stand-up comedians and sitcom stars berating men for leaving the toilet seat up, you’ve single-handedly crushed the penises of at least four British toddlers.
The children were merely trying to lift the seats up where you lazily left them, and the seats collapsed mid-stream, whacking their wee-dandy-doodles.
Doctors — who are apparently more motherly than you self-absorbed sloths — now say the seats should remain up, secured by a more responsible adult.
Also, you should totally start leave him alone when he’s watching sports all day. And make him those tacos he loves so much. You know, if you’re not too selfishly lazy.
“The children were merely trying to lift the seats up where you lazily left them, and the seats collapsed mid-stream, whacking their wee-dandy-doodles.”
shpadoinkle!