This is an emergency SeriouslyGuys Consumer Report. Please stop what you are doing (smoking crack) and pay attention for instructions.
G2, or Gatorade the Sequel, sucks. Its fruit punch flavor is best described as “Jäger piss” or, to be charitable, “Drainocolada.” Apparently Gatorade tastes good because of calories–who knew?
We asked products tester, Rick Snee, what he thought of G2.
“Oh God,” I said. “Why didn’t I buy real Gatorade this weekend? Now I have to throw these bottles away unopened, which means they won’t kill intelligent air-breathing sea mammals.”
Do not buy G2 unless you’re looking for a reason to hate your life, but your wife’s just too giving. If you see G2 endorser Derek Jeter walking down your street (which is morphing into a baseball field), kick him in the nuts so he can’t have a son to sell G3.
Although the G4 Network is not related to G2, boycott the channel just to be on the safe side. We don’t want Gatorade getting any more ideas.