State of the Sops

We begin this post with some very sad news from abroad. German beer sales are at their lowest in the past 15 years. Analysts are saying this means the German population is losing touch with its proud, beer-drinking culture. However, this blog suspects the Germans are merely busy preparing for other things. This blog suggests building and then tearing down a new Berlin Wall, so the Krauts have something to celebrate.

Now let’s head over to the States, where American drunkards refuse to let their need to bend an elbow get in the way of being responsible. A Wisconsin 911 operator, who no doubt is used to getting all kinds of unusual phone calls, got one that sets a new standard in drunken whoopsies: a drunk dial. A woman drunk dialed 911 saying she was took intoxicated to be driving. She said this as she drove along in her truck. Wonder how the cops knew to look for her?

“The woman’s boyfriend in the passenger seat suggested she call 911 to report her own drunken driving, so she did, Nehls said. The boyfriend was not driving, she said, because he was too drunk.”

Sometimes there’s nothing to keep you warm on a cold winter’s night like a bottle of your favorite libation. However, one man had to find out the hard way its sometimes better just to stay inside. After polishing off a couple bottles of wine, a Michigan man realized he was out of booze. His wife took the car to work, so the man was forced to trudge out into the snow storm, heading to his local liquor store.

The police found him on his way back, with four bottles of wine, driving down the middle of the road on a lawn mower. For those of you keeping score at home, that’s a charge of MUI: mowing under the influence.

Finally, there are some people out there who believe George W. Bush is a good president. While pollsters call them “less than a third of Americans aged 18 and older,” they are better known as sober people. Bush said yesterday he has not had a drink since 1986. Effectively, that puts the former drunkard in the classification of “retired.”

When it comes to world leaders, this blog always supports those who imbibe. Remember, FDR and Churchill drank like fishes, Hitler never touched the stuff.