Suspected llama causes accident probably on purpose

We all know that we are at war with animals, but did you know that in Kansas it is illegal to be a llama? Yes, finally a state has stepped up where the federal government has not, in declaring illegal the state of being an animal, quieting adding species after species to the list.

One such outlaw is believed to have caused a fiery accident with a pick-up truck but injuring no one. We journalists know it is dangerous to call criminals anything but “suspected” or “alleged” criminals until they are found guilty by a trial of their peers or kill themselves waiting for trial.

That is why the Pratt (Kansas) Tribune handled the matter with this lead sentence:

Two people escaped injury Saturday after a pickup was destroyed by fire following a collision with a suspected llama.

That’s right, a suspected llama. The newspaper cannot say “a llama” without risking libel. This blog says if it walks like a llama and it spits like a llama it’s a llama.

The newspaper would have you believe that the driver of the car may have been intoxicated. There is no way of knowing that now. For all we know, the llama planted booze on the driver’s clothes after it realized it had failed to kill or injure the truck’s occupants. Watch out, nation. The llamas are out there.