The South rises! The South rises!

Oh, god! They warned us! They warned us over and over again on countless bumper stickers and XXXL t-shirts, but we didn’t listen!

Ladies and gentlemen, the South has a-risen a-again. In the wee early morning hours today, they began an assault on Ft. Sumter, on the exact day that there happened to be federal troops inside instead of its usual park ranger contingent. There’s no doubt in our minds that this was deliberate.

And now that they’ve sprung up again, let’s take a longer pause than we did in 1861 and consider: should we fight to keep them this time?