Can you imagine the terror?

The FBI has uncovered new evidence in their apparently ongoing case against former Beetle and current dead guy, John Lennon! The Bureau swept in and confiscated a copy of his fingerprints before they could be auctioned off, preventing them from falling into the wrong hands.

What would the FBI need Lennon’s fingerprints for? Perhaps they can finally pin him to several of the cases¬† they weren’t investigating him for in the 1970s. Or maybe there are secret messages in the swirls and loops to hidden Beetle cells throughout the world.

That’s right: John Lennon might just wage peace from beyond the grave!

’76 a good year for vaccines

Proving they just don’t make them like they used to, it appears that the original swine flu vaccine from 1976 still protected its recipients in the recent 2009 outbreak. 33 years later! We don’t even have herpes outbreaks that last that long anymore!

The best part about this news is that hipsters are finally willing to get vaccinated against the H1N1 virus now that they believe there’s a vintage shot available.

(It’s really the 2009 one, but we acid-washed it and dried it on “high” to shrink and make it look retro.)