So hip that Maxim did it in 2004

Is it possible to be anti-relevant? Playboy's giving it the old college try.As the print world spirals into oblivion, magazines are trying everything to hold on to their empires. One of the most famous, Playboy, demonstrates just how little relevance they actually hold.

In an attempt to snare younger readers with “hip” imagery, Playboy featured Marge Simpson on their November cover.

You know, from The Simpsons?

That show you may have watched 10 years ago? They’re retro hip now like Saved by the Bell, Limp Bizkit and AIDS, right?

In related news, Playboy has finally embraced the sad cartoon porn market, which is already dominated online.

You Missed It: Walking is out edition

It’s here. Fall. Yes, it is in fact official. Some people love it, they say that they enjoy the milder temperatures and the bright, beautiful colors the leaves turn as the winter goes on. These people, of course, are Alzheimer’s patients. They forget the constant rains, the leaf raking, and oh yeah, and the sense of doom because WINTER is just a few months away. If you were busy denying the Holocaust this week, odds are you missed it.

We’re going to have to re-think cities!
On the heels of the Segway and that weird thing that GM and Segway made, Honda has released a new mode of personal transportation. And no, it’s not on the back of one of those robot things. It’s a unicycle type thing with the catchy name U3-X. Just hop on and guide it whereever you want. In other news, a barstool that drives you home might be the greatest investion ever.

Well, there go all the drug jokes
Actress Mackenzie Phillips shocked the world this week in an interview with Oprah when she admitted to having sex with her rock star father John Phillips for 10 years–while she was married. In other news, the Mamas and the Papas just takes on a weirder name now, doesn’t it?

Better late than never
As of this week, iPhone users will be able to send Media Messaging Service (MMS) messages. You may know these things as picture messages, video messages and sound bite messages. Welcome to 2004, iWhores, we’ve been waiting to show you this picture we took of this dude who was passed out drunk in a chair with market all over his face.

Court: Super Bowl needed tits

With a ruling that’s guaranteed to offend anyone who pretends they don’t like women’s breasts, a U.S. Appeals court has thrown out the FCC’s fine against CBS for the 2004 Super Bowl Halftime “Show.”

For those who don’t know what we’re talking about*, Justin Timberlake ripped part of Janet Jackson’s clothes off, revealing a very bizarre star-thingie … and a boob somewhere under that. Half the nation was appalled–demanding that the FCC babysit for them–while the other half thought they were clever to joke about the Levitra commercials.

Well, it’s all settled now: the possibly-modified breast did, in fact, make a Super Bowl Halftime Show remotely watchable for the only time in the game’s history.

And now, readers, as you were.

*SeriouslyGuys would like to wish a very happy birthday to devoted reader Hunter Cramdale, who just turned four-years-old! Hunter, your Booze News stein is in the mail and be sure to ask your parents about Janet Jackson’s honkers.