Tag: 2011

Take it from Snee: Your 2011 resolutions

Anyone who read Calvin and Hobbes as much as I did already knows where this is going.

Resolutions are stupid because, even if you accomplish them, the world has not changed for the better. Unless your resolution was to fix the Middle East or invent virtual porn for sex offenders—that could help.

Unlike Calvin, it’s not that I necessarily believe that the rest of the world needs to shape up to accommodate me. Some of these are also improvements that I must make along with the rest of our beloved unwashed readers. See? I wouldn’t ask you to do anything I wouldn’t. Just like the carnie with three fingers said, “Shut up and get on the ride, you pussy.”

With that said, read on to find out what I’ve resolved for you, you pussy. (It’s not derogatory if I quote someone I just made up.) Continue reading Take it from Snee: Your 2011 resolutions

First Favre, next teens

Flava Flav asks the latter question every time he wakes up.

The Guys like to think that we not only keep our fingers on the pulse of pop culture and youth, but that we also forecast emerging trends and try to push them into the public arena.

From Irish chic to pirates and ninjas to vampires and werewolves, we’ve followed along. We even had our list of contenders for 2011, including:

  • News Reporters (e.g., a sparkling Brian Williams in every locker) — Bryan McBournie
  • Daleks and the Japanese — Chugs Taylor
  • The Pittsburgh Steelers — Bryan Schools
  • Soviet Cowboys — Rick Snee and the Markettron 2000 2100

Boy, did we not see Vikings. Way to scoop us, MTV.

Say it ain’t soprah!

Oprah Winfrey kicked off her farewell tour, announcing that she will end her show in September 2011.

Why then? Because she feels that “it’s time.” Or, because it’ll be the 25th season, which will make all the documentaries and retrospectives easier to caption. And the historians (*snicker*) that pore over her work will refer to it as her quarter of a century.

But still, why, Oprah? What will we do? How will he get enough Oprah in our lives with only your magazine, upcoming cable network, spin-offs featuring fake experts and every other Obama news story? How!? Why?! Gayle?!?!

In other news:
You’ve spent 25 years with Oprah. How’s about you get a job now?