Tagged: 2016 presidential election

| Filed under Scurry '16, Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Somebody’s gotta do it (but not you)

Update (10/22/2016): As most people are aware, Mike Rowe responded to this post on Wednesday, 10/19/2016. I posted an apology and brief explanation while I digested his response, reread his post, and came to terms with why I could have approached this topic better.

After a few days, I’ve finished collecting my thoughts in a new follow-up post. It’s a long read, but I hope it adequately explains why I wrote the unjustifiable way I did about Mike Rowe, why I owed him an apology, and why I still respectfully disagree with him over encouraging people to vote.

I also wrote it on my own site because, fair warning, it’s probably too boring for SeriouslyGuys.


Yes, yes. You're very well ... watched.
Yes, yes. You’re very well read watched.

For some people, an election boils down to Democrat or Republican.

For others, it’s Vote or Not Vote because, overall, politicians are no prize. They’re more like the price of living in a republic with democratically elected representation: OK, you get someone who will mostly make the decisions you want, but they’ll also be the kind of person who wants to be a decision-maker for everyone else. It’s no surprise that most of these people probably rank high on the psychopath spectrum.

So, I can understand when a common sense guy like Mike Rowe would rather not encourage people to vote. Voting is inspirational in the theoretical, Leonardo-DiCaprio-does-it sense. But when you look at the choices, it looks more like a dirty job — do you ladle out the solid chunks or siphon the ammonia-smelling liquids?

But, when Mike Rowe says that people shouldn’t be encouraged to vote because they’re probably too stupid to do so, that’s not common sense. (Rant also celebrated here, although it bogusly claims he posted it a couple of days ago.) That’s elitism, which seems out of character for the champion of the hard-working American.  Continue reading

| Filed under Scurry '16, Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Out of options, Republicans turn to ‘Doctor Who’

"Don't you think she looks tired?" said two men who are both older than Hillary Clinton and look it despite what look like multiple cosmetic surgeries.
“Don’t you think she looks tired?” said two men who are both older than Hillary Clinton and look it despite multiple cosmetic treatments.

In the past several years of covering presidential elections — and some mid-terms because, contrary to what the Greens and Libertarians think, we elect people every year to leadership positions besides President — The Guys have seen various disclosure trends. If someone’s running against a millionaire, they push to release tax returns. If running against a black person who may have been born in Kenya, they push to release birth certificates, college grades and possibly even drug tests.

And now, if running against a woman who’s almost a year younger than them, they push to release health recordsContinue reading

| Filed under Scurry '16

Trump: Queen B of the Republican Party

"I know it was you, Ted. You broke my heart."
“I know it was you, Ted-o. You broke my heart.”

Republican presidential nominee, Donald Trump, was disappointed that his former rival, Sen. Ted Cruz, refused to endorse him at the Republican National Convention. So disappointed, in fact, that he logged into his preferred situation room for dealing with all manner of crises, be they people shot in Orlando or Rosie O’Donnell needing to be put in her place, to express himself: Twitter.

In fact, it was so not a big deal that he also made it clear today that he wouldn’t accept Sen. Cruz’s endorsement, even if he gave one, proving twice in as many days who’s the real Queen Bitch of the Republican Mean Girls.

Keep in mind that it took the Republican-approved (He’s yours now, guys. Own it.) presidential nominee four days, more than half a week, to sort of renounce the endorsement of David Duke, the former Grand Wizard of the KKK who still espouses white supremacist ideas. But it took him only two to preemptively reject an endorsement that’s never coming from Ted Cruz.

The Guys can’t decide who this reflects more poorly on: Trump? Actual, active racists? Or Ted Cruz? Gun to our head, the only loser in this is America. F our lives.

| Filed under A Word from Our Sponsors, Scurry '16, The Real Story

Signs of the intellectual apocalypse appear in pairs

If you see this on someone's head or false testicles hanging from their truck, administer CPR immediately: their brain is dangerously devoid of oxygen.
If you see this on someone’s head or false testicles hanging from their truck, administer CPR immediately: their brain is dangerously devoid of oxygen.

Friends of the site know that The Guys all met at Radford University, a school you’ve never heard of unless you went there, knew someone who stole a cop car during QuadFest or heard that Donald Trump would be speaking there today.

That last development had a lot of alumni on edge … until we found out that many Highlanders stepped up and disrupted Trump’s “speech” every few minutes. (The idea of students shouting down political speech might disturb some of you, but they did not interrupt anything of substance. For instance, the proposition that not only will the Mexicans build our southern border wall for us, but that it will be “1,000 miles” long and “even higher than China’s.”)

Civil disobedience aside, the Real Story in that link is what Trump supporters said to the media and wore:

‘I don’t need a politician to have perfect hair, I need him to have balls,’ said Tamara Neo, the former Buchanan County commonwealth’s attorney.

[…]

‘Fire the Idiots, Help the Vets’ read the front of one popular T-shirt. On the back, ‘DONALD TRUMP: FINALLY SOMEONE WITH BALLS.’

[Emphasis ours.]

It’s official: Donald Trump is the TruckNutz™ of presidential candidates.

| Filed under Profiles in Sadness, Scurry '16

Governor of the great state of Delusion

Yeah, if we were polling as low as John Kasich but still going through the motions in the most grueling reality show in America, we'd need a hug, too.
Yeah, if we were polling as low as John Kasich but still going through the motions in the most grueling reality show in America, we’d need a hug, too.

There are a lot of sad stories in every election. Any candidate can find themselves on top of the world for a hot second, only to see it all fall away after one joy ride in a tank or in the span of one creepy, slow motion smile.

We thought we had already seen the saddest moment of this election when heir apparent, Jeb Bush, literally begged for applause after what he thought was a real barn-burner of a speech.

But, no, the saddest thing we’ve seen are the walking dead — the candidates still trying to walk around despite a giant hole in their chest. John Kasich is like a ghost in Beetlejuice: he doesn’t even know he’s dead yet.

[A] new ad from a super PAC supporting Ohio Gov. John Kasich warns against anointing the freshmen senator [Marco Rubio] too quickly.

[…]

“D.C. insiders are clamoring to crown Marco Rubio king of the GOP before he’s even proven he can win anything, and that kind of shortsighted arrogance could hand Hillary Clinton the election,” Connie Wehrkamp, New Day For America’s spokeswoman, said in a statement.

Meanwhile, in polls, Donald Trump is leading Rubio in his own home state of Florida by double-digits: 44 percent to 28 percent. Kasich, in the meantime, has yet to even reach Rubio, trailing even behind Ted Cruz, who looks like the guy in Saving Private Ryan who’s looking for his arm on the beach. The two are polling at seven percent and twelve percent respectively.

Unless Kasich and at least one other wounded candidate walk towards the light, Trump will win this primary with less than half of all Republican votes.

| Filed under Facepalm, Scurry '16

Facts trailing behind Trump, Carson in polls

Dr. Carson used a method perfected by medical pioneers Shaggy and Rikrok: "It wasn't me."
Dr. Carson used a method perfected by medical pioneers Shaggy and Rikrok to surgically remove himself from past quackery: “It wasn’t me.”

Last night, Republican primary candidates faced off once again in debate, this time in Colorado on CNBC. The winner? Lying and skirting questions.

  • Donald Trump denied criticizing Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg for his stance on immigration, even though the words from the question came from his own web site.
  • Dr. Ben Carson denied ever promoting legally- and nutritionally-dubious supplement company Mannatech despite repeated reporting and photo evidence that he, in fact, did.
  • Sen. Ted Cruz refused to answer a question about the issues — in his case, debt and the budget deals that he opposes — because he claimed that wasn’t a question about the issues.

All in all, the Republican candidates are once again asking voters who they’re gonna believe: them, or the media that keeps quoting them. And not trusting the media is exactly how they got blindsided in 2012, lest they forget this scene:

But, hey, maybe that’s the problem. Maybe they didn’t bury their heads deep enough.

| Filed under Scurry '16

Jim Webb’s 10 minutes up

"Yes, next question ... No, I'm not Lincoln Chafee. He announces his dropout tomorrow, dammit."
“Yes, next question … No, I’m not Lincoln Chafee. He announces his dropout tomorrow, dammit.”

Former Senator Jim Webb (D-Virginia) plans to drop out of the 2016 Democratic primary, no doubt to spend more time at home to complain about getting only 10 of the 15 minutes of fame that the other candidates got.

Webb consistently trailed in polls behind Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Denny’s Baconalia and Joe Biden — and of those four, only Joe Biden isn’t running for president. Webb blames a corrupt two-party system for his 1 percent rating, and he ought to know: he’s participated in both sides of it since 1977. Of course, it probably doesn’t help that he’s barely campaigned at all compared to Clinton, Sanders and Baconalia in Iowa and New Hampshire.

There’s some word on the street that he might endure further disappointment as an independent candidate. So, we’ll go ahead and say goodbye to Mr. Webb now — independents are legally classified as dead in 24 states.

| Filed under Scurry '16

Fox News CEO blocked out last 8 years

The real racists are the people who think Rupert Murdoch looks like the bad guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
The real racists are the people who think Rupert Murdoch looks like the bad guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Fox News CEO — and elected representative of the Australian Lizard People — Rupert Murdoch seems to have repressed memories of the last eight years. In spite of round-the-clock coverage of the Obama administration on his news network, he seemingly forgot all about our nation’s first black president when he posted on Twitter that he hopes Ben Carson will be our first “real black President.”

That is, either Murdoch has repressed all memories of the Obama administration, believing that the only black president America has had is Bill Clinton, or you’re only really black if you agree with him politically and racially.

Fortunately for white men everywhere, Ben Carson is determined to be the black friend that makes us not racist, whether he’s giving us permission to fly the Confederate flag or judge our own “Mr. African-American” contest:

The Carson campaign says it has no problems with Murdoch’s original tweet.

Of course you don’t, Dr. Carson. That’s how Rupert knows that you’re one of the good ones.