They’re drinking right at us!

Australian filmmaker Baz Luhrmann is no stranger to finding ways to make things you once enjoyed very annoying.

The man who made us cheer for the dual suicides in Romeo + Juliet, scared us off of absinthe in Moulin Rouge and killed Australia has now set his sights on The Great Gatsby.

And in case you were worried that he wouldn’t throw his very best feces at one of the greatest novels in American Literature, son, you will not be disappoint: 3D.

The jazz age never looked so desperate for ticket sales.

3D! 3D! 3D!

3D, that trend of films from yore (“yore” meaning any period of time before your parents were born), is coming back with a vengeance. And thanks to new technology, filmmakers believe it’s here to stay, just like jazz-oriented rock music played with hollow-body electric guitars and red velvet suits.

Michael Lewis, the CEO of RealD–the company that’s shaking up the 2D market–says, “likening the new generation 3D to its old counterpart is like ‘comparing the space shuttle with the Wright brothers’.”

So, here’s what we’ll see in stunning clarity and 21st century ticket prices:

  • Paddle ball
  • Broom handles rotating around
  • Flying creatures swooping at us
  • Bubbles

Basically, the cheap 3D tricks will be exactly the same. But new!

Iran catches up with 1957 USSR

SeriouslyLadies and Gentlemen, we have a tie for Picture of the Day and Headline of the Day, courtesy of crazy Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the confused British writers at The Guardian.

When asked about his 3D glasses, the little guy replied, “I’m glad you asked tha–Holy crap! My hand looks like it’s going to touch my face!

When his hand did, in fact, touch his face, he was startled, but quickly regained composure.

Image: “Old Tin Toy” by Louise Docker

U2 films concert movie for three ‘virgins’

Did you know that right now, somewhere on this planet, there are people who have not seen a U2 concert? Despite their appearance on every television program to date, including the Super Bowl, Dish Network free pay-per-view events, Saturday Night Live (a gazillion times), any news program about Bono and that one time on Friends, U2 has realized that there are some people who haven’t seen them perform the same songs they’ve played for over 20 years.

U2, thankfully, has filled this void with a 3D movie of a concert where they play–once again–the same songs they’ve played for over 20 years. Only this time, Bono’s stupid hat juts out at you.

So look out for U2 at a theater near you! Or at a concert hall. Or on television. Or at your neighbor Ricky’s Bar Mitzvah.