Tag: 50 Cent

Put down the po’boy

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. MAY I PLEASE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION.

THE RESULTS ARE IN AND I THINK YOU’LL WANT TO KNOW THIS. YEP, IT’S TRUE. MISSISSIPPI, YOU’RE KNOCKED UP THE STATE WITH THE FATTEST KIDS.

Now that I have your attention, I’ll stop using all-caps. I apologize for that, but it was the only way to get through to your cholesterol soaked brains. You see, it was a necessary evil in order to communicate the bad news that the US Health Resources and Services Administration has declared to the country. It would seem that you’ve allowed your number of obese children to rise to 22 percent. That’s a lot of fat kids loving cake.

Sorry for the Curtis Jackson reference. Less deep frying of okra and more steaming of okra instead?

Anyways, there is some good news-for Oregon. That state apparently has the least amount of obese kids, with just 10 percent. That’s not nearly as bad as yours. For shame, M-I-CROOKED LETTER-CROOKED LETTER-I-CROOKED LETTER-CROOKED LETTER-I-HUMPBACK-HUMPBACK-I. Maybe you should be a lot more like them and a lot less like you.

Cocaine: no longer the new jet fuel

With gas prices hovering around $4.00 a gallon, we understand that the pinch at the pump might be tighter than 50 Cent (or as we know him as, half a dollar) and Kanye West dropping an album on the same day (bazing). Some money saving adjustments have been offered, like carpooling, taking the bus, re-enslaving those free-loading dogs and cats and making them drag a sled to work.

This genius though decided that stealing jet fuel would be the sensible alternative. We would like to commend him for originality if Peter Griffin had not achieved this first, hehehehehehehehehe.