It was the breast of times, the worst of times

Ladies and gentlemen, it is a sad day in the news for boobs.

LifeWay Christian Resource stores, which are part of the Southern Baptist Convention and dot intersections in Alabama like Dunkin Donuts in Boston, have decided that no breasts are worth a single abortion. They will no longer sell pink bibles because a portion of the profits (God needs to get his beak wet, too) from those sales goes to the Susan G. Komen Foundation, who in turn help fund Planned Parenthood’s screening efforts.

While it’s understandable that Lifeway is against abortion — because breast milk makes tits so much bigger — this could spell the end of PP’s “Grope & Mope (over your dead fetus) Tuesday” specials.

But, then there’s today’s Headline of the Day, courtesy of ABC News: “Ta-Ta! Woman’s Body ‘Swallows’ Breast Implant.”

Have a beautiful and bouncy day!

Who gives a f#%k?

ABC News wants to know what you think about grown-up Joe Biden using the *gasp* F-word at a recent press event!

Weak hearts and simple minds are allegedly a-flutter because the Vice President described the passage of health care reform as “a big f#%king deal.” Was he wrong? Does it not matter? Even if you disagree with the bill, doesn’t the ushering-in of socialism merit a “BFD?”

How are you handling Joe’s language? Do you need to sit down? Maybe a nice warm glass of “Go f#%k yourself” will calm your prissy nerves.

Old people kill the darndest things

I must warn you: this is an old story.

We’ve seen many a story here on SG involving the death of people, but rarely do we see a story with a discrepancy in age this close to each other.

Or, for that matter, when the persons involved are a 98 year old and a centenarian.

Laura Lundquist is accused of killing her 100 year old roommate, Elizabeth Barrow, over a table.

Barrow complained that the table obstructed her path to the bathroom, authorities said. When a nurse’s aide moved it, Lundquist punched the aide and grumbled that her roommate “might as well have the whole room,”

Because, you know,98 year olds are known for their devastating arm strength. We give the story two months before ABC revises their “Horrors of Nursing Homes” 20/20 report to include this new “shocking revelation.”

Because murder, drug use and sexual assault weren’t enough

A study of young people who are also pathological gamblers, surprise, turns up a connection to video games, in a report on Australia’s ABC News. Oh noes! Notably, however, another researcher knocks down the suggestion of a causal link.

“If you look at those young people who are classified as pathological gamblers you will find that they do have a higher frequency of involvement with many different types of videogame. They’re much more likely to play games on Xboxes and similar consoles. They are also more likely to play arcade games. It does suggest that if you’re a person who is playing very frequently, more likely if you’re a male too, and doing it from you know year after year, it’s probably more likely you’ll have a pattern of activity which will make poker machines quite attractive when you turn 18.”

It never seems to occur to them that videogames are a hugely popular activity enjoyed by most teenagers, so there’s bound to be a correlation between games and most other activities. Correlation which is not, of course, the same as causation. But hey, videogames have been linked to all sorts of sin and vice, so what’s one more problem to throw on the pile? Alex Blaszczynski, a psychology professor at the University of Sydney, thinks otherwise.

“Does an interest in gambling lead to people becoming involved in video games or do video games lead to people becoming involved in gambling? Or is there a third factor which accounts for both gambling and videogames? There’s also the possibility that some people with certain characteristics would then tend to engage in both video and technology type gaming activity and gambling as well. And that may well be linked to things like risk taking or impulsivity or other factors.”

Good luck, Blaszcynski.