Someone bought Hitler’s underwear for some reason

Hitler’s underwear went on the auction block last week and you missed out on it–unless of course you’re the highest bidder.

An auction house in Maryland sold a pair of Adolf Hitler’s underwear, fetching $6,737. The monogrammed white boxers were said to have been left at an Austrian hotel after the Nazi leader stayed there in 1938. The hotel owner’s grandson sold the weird item.

Some readers may recall that Eva Braun’s panties were auctioned off just last year. Turns out both pairs of Nazi underwear were sold at the same auction house, Alexander Historical Auctions.

So if you’ve got some creepy OG Nazi stuff you want to unload (and alt right rallies show the market is hot right now), apparently Maryland is open for business.

You missed out on the auction of Eva Braun’s panties

She’s been dead for 71 years, but the old Nazi gal’s panties are still worth something.

More than a year ago, we told you about Adolf Hitler’s wife, Eva Braun’s panties were going up for auction after being found in Ohio of all places. This week, they fetched about $3,700 at auction from an undisclosed buyer and likely Trump supporter.

Cheer up. We’re sure that the underwear of another ruthless mass-murderer’s mistress/wife will go up for sale sometime soon.

Drunk with power: Nazi booze found in Germany

If owning Eva Braun’s panties isn’t for you, perhaps you’d like some Nazi hootch.

A restauranteur is claiming to have found secret cellar holding cognac and champagne that belonged to Adolf Hitler and his staff. Silvio Stelzer says that the booze was moved out of Berlin in 1944 for safer storage in a palace in Dresden, and they sat there until now.

We’re not going to judge you for wanting to taste some fancy booze that’s been mellowing for the better part of a century, but the fact that Nazis owned it should affect its taste somehow.

Eva Braun’s panties are up for sale, if you’re into that sort of thing

There are just two-and-a-half weeks until Father’s day. Do you know what you’re going to give dear old dad? This year, why not get your father something from the Fatherland?

For just $7,500, you can own a pair of panties owned by Adolf Hitler’s wife, Eva Braun. According to the owners, the Nazi knickers were taken from the infamous Eagle’s Nest at the end of World War II by an American soldier. Today they’re in a thrift shop Elmore, Ohio, a small town outside of Toledo. They look authentic, right?

No doubt they’ll sell fast, since there are Germans all over the Midwest.

You Missed It: The new Tea Party edition

OK, maybe there's a slight resemblance.
OK, maybe there’s a slight resemblance.

In my better moments, I like to think of myself as an optimist. I try to believe that people are rational, considerate people. Then I read that Animal Planet’s mockumentary “Mermaids” got the highest ratings the network has seen in 17 years. One can only explain away so many of the viewers as getting confused with the Cher movie of the same name. No, it’s because people not only believed the show was real, but they believe that mermaids are real, too. Humans kind of suck when you think about it. If you were busy being Amanda Bynes this week, odds are you missed it.

Boiling mad about a kettle
We don’t know if Adolf Hitler was a big fan of tea, but tea is certainly a big fan of him–at least if you get your tea from the right kettle. This week, JC Penney found itself unexpectedly talked about when the internet realized that one of the tea kettles it sold kind of resembles the furher himself. The $40 kettle has since been pulled from shelves and off the store’s site.

Nothing good comes in the mail
This week, letters with what authorities suspect is ricin or another poison were sent to New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, the anti-gun group he formed, and President Barack Obama. Man, someone should make that stuff illegal. On the plus side, it’s good to see the crazies of America support the U.S. Postal Service.

We seem to cover Catholics a lot lately
Gordon Gee, the president of Ohio State University, was recorded this week saying bad things about Notre Dame. No one was really upset about the attacks aimed specifically at the school, Notre Dame sucks, it was his anti-Catholic remarks. Gee, a Mormon, said that Catholics are not trustworthy. He has since apologized for his comments and is undergoing a “remediation plan.” If only there was a Jesse Jackson of the Catholics he could ask forgiveness from.

You know who else supported highways?

The Neo-Nazis may be cleaning up a town near you!

Did that just send chills down your spine? Then shame on you, because at least one branch of America’s Nazi Party has adopted a 1 mile stretch of highway in a Denver suburb.

It’s a win-win situation.

As Doug Neal, the group’s spokesfuhrer, put it, they’ll be seen “doing good things,” much like the sentiment of Hitler “doing good things” for Germany before those things were overshadowed by trifles like genocide and waging a war of global domination.

And, the suburb is allegedly relieved since the previous highway clean-up was performed by members of the Aryan Brotherhood from the local prison. At least these Nazis aren’t convicted felons, right?

You know who else had a wishlist?

One of 31 albums of artwork that Adolf Hitler wanted will be returned to Germany in January. The album is a collection of photographs of artwork that Hitler hoped to collect for his Führermuseum in Linz, Austria.

The album was taken by John Pistone at the end of World War II when he entered Hitler’s home in the Bavarian Alps in 1945, which is surprising when you consider that of all the souvenirs he could have grabbed–weapons, uniforms or cloning vials–he choose a 12-pound picture book.

Another day, another Hitler headline

Adolf Hitler, the dead dictator of Deutchlund (that’s alliteration, Kyle), has made yet another headline this week, this time through Fox News’ pressing coverage of YouTube fads.

For the uninitiated, a YouTube fad is a joke that other people imitate for about 2 days, and then promptly becomes unfunny when Fox News covers it as News.

Users are posting footage of the mustachioed, megalomaniacal mastermind of mass murder (boo-yah) yelling at underlings in the 2004 movie, Downfall, with new subtitles about why he’s pissed:

Of course, it wouldn’t be a news report about a fleeting cultural phenomenon on Fox unless somebody was offended. A group representing Holocaust survivors has objected to at least one video in which the balmy Bavarian bratwurst-eschewing bomb-dodger has trouble finding parking in Tel Aviv, Israel.

To be honest, you’d probably have to be Jewish to get that one, anyway.

Table manners Godwinned

Next time you’re at dinner and your kids’ insistence on eating with their feet threaten your appetite, you can now correct their behavior with, “You know who else had atrocious table manners?”

According to a recently discovered secret intelligence report (found during housecleaning, so who knows what’s in your attic?), der Furher had a penchant for biting his nails, gorging on cakes and poorly engaging in conversation during meals.

However, something else interesting came up in the report: Hitler drank one or two glasses of beer with each meal of vegetables or stewed fruit. So, looks like he did drink after all … just not nearly as much as Churchill.

Germany will rise again

Sixty-three years ago, Berlin fell. It was the end of World War II (also known as the War That Was Greater Than the Great War). The evil dictator Adolf Hitler was dead and the world was a happier place, free from ever going to war again.

However, that may not be the end of it for the Allies. It seems Hitler is making a comeback, this time at the Madame Tussauds wax museum in Berlin, but no one is shouting his name and cheering. In fact, they seem to be pretty upset about it.

Luckily, Hitler’s arch-nemesis, Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones Jr. has just come back as well. Get ready for a fifth installment.