Joanie openly loves married Chachi

We're reporting live from Joanie's pelvis, and it appears that Chachi is unprotected.
We’re reporting live from inside Joanie’s pelvis, and it appears that Chachi is unprotected.

A South Korean court overturned a law that made adultery a criminal offense, punishable by fines or (rarely) jail time. And, seemingly overnight, at least one condom manufacturer saw stock prices surge as high as allowed for the day.

Now, The Guys are students of human behavior. It’s not like married South Koreans weren’t sleeping around. The government could have punished adultery with life imprisonment, facial branding and genital amputation and — based on the number of stonings, honor killings and damning embroidery in more punitive societies — people would still cheat on their spouses.

So, if human nature is as it has always been, then increased condom sales indicates that they’re just now using protection. Ewwww.

More like New Humpshire

We're not too surprised at New Hampshire's moral flexibility. It's been scissoring Vermont since 1763.
We’re not too surprised at New Hampshire’s moral flexibility. It’s been scissoring Vermont since 1763.

New Hampshire is set to decriminalize “gettin’ some strange.” All that remains is for Gov. Maggie Hassan to sign it into law.

Adultery has been a stocks, lashing, jailing and fining offense in the state since 1791. However, theme parks turning the stockades into tourist attractions kind of took the sting out of the punishment, so it’s gradually become just an unenforced fine. (Also, the lashings typically take place in the bedroom during the offense now.) The last logical step was to just decriminalize it entirely.

So, if your spouse suddenly takes an interest in the Granite State, it might not be for the tax-free shopping.

White people still out of actual problems

There’s regular adultery. There’s emotional and mental adultery. And thanks to the power of streaming media, there’s now Netflix adultery: committing the monstrous act of watching episodes of a show before watching it with a spouse as promised.

Of those who cheated, 66 percent did so “at home by themselves on the main TV.” A shocking 21 percent confessed to watching in bed while their significant other slept. (This is my modus operandi, and it is shameful.) Forty-one percent of cheaters refrained from revealing spoilers; 12 percent would rewatch and “fake it” in their reactions; 14 percent felt so guilty they confessed to cheating.

Watching it in bed while the partner sleeps? Faking it? Slatterns, harlots and strumpets, all of them.

Next week on Ghost Maury Povich …

Who here’s tired of all of the Ghost-[whatever] shows that basic cable is littered with? Ghost-Houses, Ghost-Adventures, Ghost-Adventurers, Ghost-Towns, Ghost-Dad — they’re all useless and unneeded. And the actual “ghost-hunters?” Nothing more than night-vision filter versions of John Edward.

Apparently, Tasmania already got the news and had their “ghost-hunters” take another route. Why look for spectral ooze when you might stumble upon ooze of a different, more adulterous sort?

(Courtesy of James B.)

If love’s in the air, then what’s on the desk?

Love may not be able to blossom on a battlefield, but it can certainly have its wild and crazy cousin, lust, make an appearance in a place of law. The district attorney of Bedford County, Pennsylvania says that just because he had sex with a woman he wasn’t married to in his public courthouse office doesn’t mean he committed a crime. And he ought to know–he is the district attorney, after all. Though, that’s not a divorce attorney, which is something he, and others, might want to look into getting. Just saying, is all.