It only feels like you’re dying on long flights

Ever catch a follow-up to a news story you didn’t know existed and then realize that that original news could have been something important? Like how scientists discovered that the cholesterol in eggs is actually good for you, but you’ve been eating a dozen a day this entire time because you never knew they could have killed you?

That’s when the Guys play a little game we call, “WaitWhat?!

Good news! It turns out that flying coach won’t kill you with blood clots.


Apparently, doctors had suspected for some time now that long flights contribute to blood clots in normally healthy people, particularly if you were penned up with the other livestock in coach. The more couped up you are, especially in a window seat, you’re less likely to get up or tap a foot lest you want to launch the Shasta on your tray over the seat and into the guy reclining into your crotch. (If you didn’t hear about this, it’s obvious you don’t read the First Class edition of the in-flight magazine.)

But, they’ve revised that hypothesis based on research quietly conducted through episodes of The Office on that little overhead television. They now believe the only ones at risk are those with conditions pre-existing the stressful rigors of flying coach. So, if you’re flying for a big presentation, convince your boss that you need to fly First Class.

Oh, and one of those pre-existing conditions? Using birth control.


Sorry, that’s another edition of “WaitWhat?!

Women sit down for their rights

Despite the name, SeriouslyGuys is all about women’s lib. We are big into the advancement of womanocity. That’s why we are thrilled with Japan’s All Nippon (*snicker*) Airways.

The airline is introducing women-only toilets on its planes. Why? Because it will cut down on the wait in line for men. Wait–no, actually it’s because the womens wanted their own bathroom. One of their annoyances is that men often leave the seat up.

Really? You’re on a plane with a tiny toilet bumping around and you care about the seat being up? Just imagine if they left it down.

The McBournie Minute: You make my flight so much worse

You know what’s wrong with the airline industry? No, it’s not the excessive fees, it’s not the hassle of security, it’s not even the surly attitude airline personnel give their customers. It’s the people around you on the plane. They are the ones who do such annoying things that so easily blame the airline industry for.

Case in point: fat people. Noted fat person and movie director Kevin Smith was recently kicked off a Southwest plane (while it was on the ground) for being fat. Smith said he realizes he is chubby, but that his weight was not great enough to warrant being kicked off of a flight.

For those of you who have not had the experience, some airlines will now make you buy a second seat if you are unable to fit into one comfortably. It’s like cap and trade for calories. If there are no two seats next to each over available, you much vacate the craft. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: You make my flight so much worse

XxAmercnAirlynzXx has added you!

Brendan Fraser IS the American Way.There are certain companies that we expect to not be “with it.” In fact, if those companies tried to rebrand themselves as “hip” or “edgy,” we would be more concerned than relieved.

One of those are airlines, but they don’t know that yet. A couple are now using social media to “reach fans” and address complaints.

JetBlue uses Twitter to respond to people complaining to porn spambots about their delayed flights. Amazingly for an airline that’s only one step above riding with free-range chickens, JetBlue only has one communications employee running their “Here’s a coupon, dawg” service.

American Airlines has a fan page on Facebook. Yes, you can now add the Big AA to your friendlist, presumably so they’ll tell all their other fans to read your blog. Be sure to compliment them on their big exposé on suede leather jackets in American Way, their award-winning in-flight magazine.

Just a reminder to airlines, energy drink chemists and politicians: it’s not social networking if you’re advertising on it. Then it’s just another way to receive spam AND diminish your reputation.

The McBournie Minute: Have yourself a merpy little Christmas

Christmas is in the air. Well, that and a strong dose of car exhaust from cars idling in mall parking lots waiting for a space to open up. Yet, for some reason to me it just doesn’t feel like Christmas.

Sure, I can listen to “Blue Christmas” or watch the timeless holiday classic Bad Santa, but where’s the Christmas cheer? Where are the people smiling to each other and wishing a merry Christmas? More importantly, why am I not rushing around to get my holiday shopping done? It just isn’t Christmas because I’m done with my shopping.

I’ve had my own private little Christmas tradition since I have been a productive member of society. I figure out what everyone on my list wants shortly after Thanksgiving, and then I wait until Dec. 23 to buy anything. For some reason this year I didn’t. I’m sorry, America. I went shopping and last week I got everything done. How can you ever trust me after I ruined Christmas? Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Have yourself a merpy little Christmas

Come fly Air Abu Ghraib

What can possibly make the airline experience any better? After all, you already get to deal with long lines, airline employees who refuse to look you in the eye, getting felt up and the eventual cancellation of your flight shortly after you reach the gate. If you said, “Electroshock therapy! Electroshock therapy is the only thing that could possibly make flying more enjoyable!” you win, dear reader.

The Washington Times (motto: “Young People Are Ruining The World”) reported that the U.S. Department of Homeland Security is considering ID bracelets that would expedite the traveling experience on the security end. It would serve as a boarding pass, contain personal information about you and helps keep track of your luggage.

Oh, and it can also shock you, rendering you immobile for several minutes.

(Via Consumerist)