Tag: alberta

The case of the missing outhouse

In case you hadn’t heard, hockey is coming back, and the Canadians are simply going crazy about it. In Alberta, one man would say that they’re going too crazy.

In Alberta, someone took Randy Nemirsky’s brand new outhouse, and he wants it back. He and his son reportedly build the outhouse (pronounced “oot-house”) over the summer, and it cost them $1,000 Canadian, as if they have real money. But some hoser took it during the fall, while father and son were away.

Yes, the Mounties really are on the case.

The punishment fits the crime?

Two valiant heroes in Canada have been unfairly punished. UNFAIRLY! While clearly on a fact finding reconnaissance mission around their neighborhood, said teens and their friends made their way into a domicile. Obviously defending themselves, they threw the feline monster in the closest holding cell available-that just happened to be a microwave.

Now, here’s where it gets a little weird. The Alberta residents responsible for this act have been banned from violent video-games for a year as part of their punishment. Huh? I mean, I can understand being made to stay 500 feet away from Viva Pinata or any of the Pokemanz, but how does one specifically classify a “violent video-game”?

Frankly, we here at SG feel that a medal should be awarded, not a punishment. Anytime a cat is named “Princess”, it’s almost a given that it’ll will be a nusicance to the public. But hey, that’s just our perogative. In the meantime, make sure to head down to Gamestop to pre-order the latest iteration coming in the “Cat Zapper” series!

War pauses for no one

Though SG was off last week, the War of Animals did not take a single day off, we believe this is mostly because there was no cease fire agreed to by officials on either side. So, in an effort to keep from shirking out duties, here’s what happened while we were away:

Hundreds of ducks turned up dead in Alberta, Canada. The traitorous Canadian government is actually angry about this, and is investigating an oil company in connection with this masterstroke blow to the nation’s waterfowl population.

The birds apparently landed on a pond that had toxic waste in it. Only five of the ducks were saved. This is good news, but this blog cannot rule out that these ducks now have super powers. Continue reading War pauses for no one