Tag: alcohol

France may surrender to Big Sobriety

Etienne Apaire — “head of a government body in charge of the fight against addiction to drugs or alcohol” — is shocked, SHOCKED, by the findings of recent alcohol surveys.

“He said research conducted in 2005 showed about one in four French 17-year-olds reported getting drunk at least three times in the previous 12 months, while one in 10 said they had got drunk 10 times or more.”

That’s right: one-quarter of all French 17 year-olds get drunk three times a year. (We’re guessing that New Year’s Eve, St. Patrick’s Day and Bastille Day are those three days.)

As such, Apaire has proposed to end Happy Hour, as if French drunks aren’t morose enough. Worse yet, he might not even be French because he’s suggested that French youth drink beer instead. Sacrebleu!

These Founding Guys could not be reached for comment.

Amy Winehouse: Fun chick at a bar

Few singers have break out hits that are really about their personal lives, Amy Winehouse is one of those few. (For those of you who don’t know, her hit single is “Sweet Home Alabama.”) The English singer has been in and out and in and out of rehab, but now it appears she’s in trouble with the law once again.

Winehouse, whose name appears to be as booze-soaked as she was, took on two men in a barroom brawl in London recently. She allegedly hit one man who got in her way while she was playing pool and headbutted a “bloke” as he tried to hail her a cab–both grounds for suspected assault.

Oddly enough, alcohol may have been involved.

Master of marital arts

When a couple gets married it is a cause for celebration (unless it is one of those marriages). And different people have different ways of celebrating. Some dance and enjoy the open bar, some practice their bicycle kicks.

A Pennsylvania couple were married recently and held their reception at a local Holiday Inn. As the happy couple entered their hotel room, the groom, apparently not planning on consummating the marriage that evening, kicked his new bride. A fight between the two lovebirds broke out, causing guests from another wedding to rush over and see what the clamoring was about.

When the two men got a hold of the groom, the bride began attacking them, too. The fight spilled into the hallway and the police had to be called in. Strangely enough, alcohol may have been a factor. Mazeltov!

Oh yeah? Rake this, sucker!

In other news of drunken attacks between friends, two friends in Springfield, Massachusetts were hanging out, drinking some beer and doing some yard work. The usual. But then, things turned ugly.

The two friends got into an argument, and while the details are not quite clear, somebody got whacked around with a rake. Proving once again the age old addage, “Don’t drink a lot of beer with your friend while raking leaves, then insult his sister, because you may end up being an assault victim.”

The rake was not available for comment.

April 15 is almost here, better drink up

Just a reminder to all the tanked out there: your taxes are due next week. You might want to think about filing them. One good reason is that it allows you to get your tax return back. We know what that means–booze money.

There’s another good reason, especially if you live in New Jersey. You can have your taxes done for you while you’re hanging out at a bar. CPA Carmine Sodora can take care or your W2s while you get wasted. We all know it would certainly take the pain out of doing your own taxes, which drives you to drink anyway. This way, you don’t have to feel bad about doing so, or explain to the IRS audit guy why your penmanship gets sloppier and sloppier as you go down the page.

Louisiana fears reputation of party state

Louisiana is a sober, god-fearing state. The people are mild-mannered and mostly keep to themselves. They are in no way associated with music, flashy celebrations, nudity for jewelry children can afford, and least of all, alcohol.

That’s why when state Sen. Ed Murray, of the normally subdued New Orleans, suggested making Sazerac (a beverage containing whiskey, bitters and absinthe) the official state cocktail, there was a huge uproar. Sen. Buddy “Buddy” Shaw fully opposed the idea, fearing the label of a party state. He argued a state cocktail would send the wrong message, and might hurt its tourism industry, based on people who want to see what big boats look like in flood waters.

“‘Is there a possibility that we could be encouraging folks, who were not intending to drink, that it would be acceptable and they could become an alcoholic?’ Shaw asked.

“‘No,’ Murray replied.”

Three, six, nine, damn good wine

Wine is one of the snootier forms of alcohol (rivaled only by mouthwash). But it seems the wine industry as a whole is about to be shaken up a bit. In news we swear we aren’t making up, rapper Lil Jon will soon begin selling his own brand of wine.

Lil Jon, often seen with a pimp chalice, and well-known fan of the drink, apparently is not only drinking Crunk Juice or sipping on Cristal. No, it seems he often enjoys a merlot, the ballingest of the wine kingdom. The Associated Press story fails to mention a release date, but fear not, Lil Jonathan Winery (yes, that is really the name) will probably drop sometime this year.

His next venture remains open to speculation, but this blog is not willing to rule out shaving cream, toilet paper and of course, construction as possibilities.

“‘I’m not no “drink wine every day” kind of dude,’ he said in a telephone interview. ‘I’m not like an expert, so don’t ask me no questions … I just like the taste.'”

It’s April 7 somewhere

Stop whatever you are doing and have a drink.

Good. Now that you have done that, we will tell you why. Seventy-five years ago today, the Volstead Act, better known as prohibition, was nearly torn down in a single swig, when 3.2 percent alcohol beer was allowed to be legally made and consumed again. Granted, it was not exactly strong beer, but hey, booze is booze.

The stronger beer meant we were one step closer to vanquishing the self-made demon known as prohibition, which was enough to drive a man to drink in the first place. To celebrate, at the broke of midnight April 7, 1933, Anheuser-Busch threw a party it called New Beer’s Eve.

It was only a matter of time, before freedom once again rang across the nation, and Lady Liberty could legally belly up to the bar.

The McBournie Minute: Bars are still fun

People at my last job in their forties told me that I would soon get tired of the bar scene–that after a few years of being able to drink, going to a bar would seem an unlikely and unnecessary choice. After being able to drink for nearly four years, I have found that the answer is yes and no.

When you get into the mode of trying to save cash whenever you can (especially if several of your selfish friends are planning to get married in the same year, and expect you to get hotel rooms and snazzy clothes for each of them), going to the bar doesn’t make any sense. Why would you want to go to a bar and pay much more for a drink you could pour yourself? On top of that, you have to tip the bartender. Don’t skimp on this, people. If you are too broke to tip, you are too broke to be at a bar. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Bars are still fun

A tax increase on pints? Blimey!

If there’s one thing this blog likes to do, it’s get all fired up about one of the topics we feel isn’t getting reported or not been reported fairly. Today, we get our dander up over alcohol, and the creeping fascism that seeks to destroy it once and for all.

In Britain, long known for its beverage-related tyranny, is now trying to oppress the drunks that stagger among them. The U.K.’s treasury chief raised taxes on beer. There are many things citizens in the U.K. can take (like financially supporting an antiquated and purely ceremonial lineage under the guise of a ruling status), but a beer tax is too much for boozing Britons to stand–well, if they were sober enough to stand.

In response to this clearly unreasonable taxation with representation, the citizens are mounting an Internet campaign, a “whiskey rebellion,” if you will, against Allistair Darling, the treasury chief. All over the country, pubs are putting up signs saying they will not serve Darling in their establishments. This blog firmly supports the movement, and hopes that our British, Scottish, Welsh and Cornish cousins will soon break free from the chains of oppression, so that they may one day sit down in a pub and drink their grog without fear of government intrusion.