Just when it seemed that education couldn’t get worse … a middle school teacher in Sweden totally redeems it!
The unnamed 37-year-old teacher was charged with buying alcohol for two of her 15-year-old students. This is the kind of action that packs those half-desks, gang.
“It is illegal for people under 20 years of age to purchase alcohol in Sweden, although it is legal those aged 18 and above to consume alcoholic beverages.”
Remember those tornadoes that ripped through the South earlier this week, and how our own Rick Snee whined about nearly being killed by one? Turns out, if he really was scared for his life, all he had to do was start drinking the nearest bottle.
That’s exactly what one Tennessee man did. James Kruger was up late watching the Super Tuesday results on television when he saw a tornado warning for his county. Among his other preparations, he took a shot of whiskey. As soon as he took the shot, the tornado hit his house. He hit the ground and prayed for his life.
“Lying there, everything in the house flew over him, scraping and banging his back, Kruger said. Then the chaos stopped. ‘I was laying in the dirt. There was no floor. No nothing.'”
That’s right, there was no nothing left but Kruger and his buzz. Why was he saved? Most likely, because of the drink. Alcohol has been known to have strange powers over otherwise physical realities. It has the ability to play with the time-space continuum, prompting many philosophers to ask, “How the hell did I make it back here last night?” and “wasn’t she prettier when I was drunk?”
However, alcohol even has the power to inspire the evil genius inside us all. The drink inspired one man to threaten to blow up the city of Brisbane, Australia. The obviously inebriated man had a standoff with elite police units ranting about, amongst other things, that he had a device to trigger bombs all over the city.
That device? A television remote control.
Like The Guys, many Mexicans were muy triste y furioso at the news of their country’s oldest cantina shutting its doors. For those of you who didn’t know, after 150 years in service, El Nivel was basically kicked out by National Autonomous University of Mexico, who wanted the land.
Angry Mexicans and all-around drunk guys, or hombres borrachos, gathered on Tuesday to protest the closure. The protesters plan to petition the university and then the government to save the cantina because it is a “cultural and drinking heritage site.”
Ah yes, drinking heritage. Being the great-grandson of Irish immigrants, I remember when my father sat me down as a child and handed me my first glass of whisky. He told me, “Son, this is your heritage. When you drink this, you must always ramble on about the evil English and pick a fight with the nearest person or coat rack.”
(Note: This story is also being covered on our Spanish-language sister blog HombresSeriamentes.com)
We begin this post with some very sad news from abroad. German beer sales are at their lowest in the past 15 years. Analysts are saying this means the German population is losing touch with its proud, beer-drinking culture. However, this blog suspects the Germans are merely busy preparing for other things. This blog suggests building and then tearing down a new Berlin Wall, so the Krauts have something to celebrate.
Now let’s head over to the States, where American drunkards refuse to let their need to bend an elbow get in the way of being responsible. A Wisconsin 911 operator, who no doubt is used to getting all kinds of unusual phone calls, got one that sets a new standard in drunken whoopsies: a drunk dial. A woman drunk dialed 911 saying she was took intoxicated to be driving. She said this as she drove along in her truck. Wonder how the cops knew to look for her?
“The woman’s boyfriend in the passenger seat suggested she call 911 to report her own drunken driving, so she did, Nehls said. The boyfriend was not driving, she said, because he was too drunk.”
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If you see an Olympic hopeful sitting at the bar one night, leave him alone, he’s getting in shape. Also, you might want to question why you can recognize anyone trying out for the Olympics.
In any case, as it turns out, drinking is not only good for you, it can help keep you in shape. This blog has been saying this for years that 12 oz. curls are still curls. Studies now show that having a drink or two (or depending on your interpretation of “two,” 12) can help keep your heart in good shape, along with 30 to 60 minutes of daily exercise.
The Guys recommend having the drinks before you exercise, or bring the drinks in your water bottle. Like work, exercise goes by much faster if you are under the influence. Besides, it’s more fun to stagger than jog anyway.
Right now, at this very moment, over 7 million people in this country are horribly oppressed. These are legal U.S. citizens, of all races, religions and political affiliations. They are single, married, divorced. They are young and they are old. The one thing they truly have in common is that they have the misfortune of living in the Commonwealth of Virginia.
“Commonwealth” is a pretentious name for “state” used by Kentucky, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania and Virginia.
In any case, Virginians are being oppressed by their own state government. The worst part is the vast majority of them don’t even know it. What is it? It’s a law that says it is illegal to make sangria within the state borders.
Sangria, the famous Spanish drink, is not allowed to be made in its true form, because the law says you cannot mix wine or beer with distilled spirits. If you make the drink, you could get locked up for a year. To this blog, that punishment is much stiffer than the drink itself.
Yes Virgina, there is sangria. It could be coming your way soon because the state general assembly is going to look at the law and hopefully change it. The Guys are sending Bryan Schools, the closest member to Richmond to protest outside the Virginia General Assembly all week long.