Eat My Sports: Mailbag edition

This week could not be limited to one topic. With so much happening in the sports world this past week, how could I let you, my loyal readers, be cheated by anything other than full coverage of this little circus? And by loyal readers, I mean that this week I’m pretending that people actually write me with questions that they want answers. So, if any of you actually read this, this is what you would be asking me this week.

Bryan, your old pal Manny Ramirez was busted for steroids this week. Given your harsh stance on A-Rod, do you feel the same way about Manny, or was it different because he did it for your Sox?
-Tim S, Lansing, Michigan

If you guys should know anything about me now, is that I will not forgive or pardon any steroid user. I’m thankful that what happened with Manny happened in Los Angeles, however, Manny’s namesake is now sullying reputations of guys like David Ortiz and Pedro Martinez simply because of association. And for guys like that who I will always hold a special place for, it’s wrong, but sadly unavoidable.

The main question I’ve been hearing come up is now the Hall of Fame issue. Should these guys be allowed in? And unfortunately I’m going to have to say “yes.” It’s leaking out that so many were doing it that from a media perspective you have to look at it and say that the playing field was to some degree, level. Does it excuse them? No, but people like Ramirez and Rodriguez will forever have their names associated with steroids, which I think in some respects, is punishment enough. (PS, I completely understand Manny’s mood swings now, he was pregnant for almost eight years in Boston, it all makes sense.) Continue reading Eat My Sports: Mailbag edition

.327 BA and an A-B Cup

The Alex Rodriguez hits just keep on coming. Selena Roberts new book on A-Rod not only details some of his alleged steroid abuse beyond what he’s admitted to, but also that A-Rod grew, oh, how can we say this? Boobs. Man boobs to be exact. And his nickname amongst the Yankee clubhouse circa 2005 was “B***h T**s.” This and more in-depth looks into Major League Baseball brought to you by Sports Illustrated!

Old man Yankee

In our continuing effort to bring the least biased sports coverage out there (as long as it’s not against the Red Sox, Redskins, Steelers, Patriots or Rick’s bowling league) we bring you the latest newsflash that the New York Yankees are old.

We may have touched on Alex Rodriguez a bit, but in the latest part of the saga for number B-12 13 for the Bronx Bombers, A-Rod may need hip surgery. That’s right, the same surgery you hear your granpda complaining about as he sips his gin and smells like mothballs.

The surgery may be brought on by a cyst that was discovered while Rodriguez was working out for the Dominican Republic baseball team, even though he is from the United States. Look how his accent changes from this Peter Gammons interview (soooo American) to this contrived Latino accent in this commercial for the World Baseball Classic!

No confirmed reports have come out yet that the cyst was brought on by Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds and Miguel Tejada taking turns injecting Rodriguez in the bum with Mark McGwire juice.

Take it from Snee: Let the bums into the Hall of Fame (A-Rod Edition)

Now that the press is soiling itself over Alex Rodriquez’s admission to using steroids (courageously made after his failed test results hit the press), I’ve been thinking more about a piece I wrote back in 2007 when the Mitchell Report was released.

Personally, I’ve always taken it with a grain of salt anytime someone waxes philosophically about the “Clean Days of Baseball.” The history of the sport’s more saccharine than a fundamentalist’s interpretation of the 1950s: everyone got along (in their segregated leagues), they were good sports (Chicago Black Sox) and substance-free (Dock Ellis).

Now that he’s “come clean,” I was wondering when the League would get involved. I mean, either they’re against doping or they are for it. A lack of consequences is clearly a silent vote for “Please break some more crusty old records and raise our ticket sales!”

True to fashion, Rodriguez practiced with his team, uneventfully. There’s been no talk of suspension, fines or even mandatory PSA from the Yankees or MLB. Meanwhile, Michael Phelps faced criminal charges for a f#%king photograph and fortunately avoided arrest by not admitting that the pipe contained marijuana.

So, let me restate for the record: let the bums into the Hall of Fame. If professional athletes want to use steroids, HGH and whatever else sucks nads to grow muscles, go ahead. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Let the bums into the Hall of Fame (A-Rod Edition)

Eat My Sports: No free passes

This past weekend was a relatively quieest one. I wait tables on Saturdays, so I went into work a bit early, and went through my Saturday routine of eating my breakfast while watching SportsCenter. First few minutes, nothing big. There were a few basketball highlights that I could’ve cared less about, the same Michael Phelps’ photo re-played about half a dozen times. Then the bottom line came up with breaking news, Alex Rodriguez, the heir apparent to restore legitimacy to baseball’s hallowed records, had tested positive for steroids in 2003.

The gut reaction was joy. I went through all the signs I could make when I go to see the Sox and Yankees at Fenway in April. “A-Roid” was my favorite, “Material Roid” and “Like A Syringe, Hitting for the Very First Time” were another couple of my timely classics. I high fived some friends and texted my fellow Sox fans, but then the truth settled in, if Rodriguez was guilty, then everyone was guilty. Continue reading Eat My Sports: No free passes

You Missed It: Aw nuts edition

One again, we find ourselves at the end of the work week. For those of you who missed us last Friday (and we know you didn’t), fear not, we have returned once more. If you were too busy watching your mortgage company go under this week, odds are you missed it.

The ‘G’ stands for ‘green’
Leaders met in Japan this week for the Group of Eight summit in order to talk about important things that only the really, really important nations care about. One of the biggest decisions to come out of the summit was the agreement to cut greenhouse gas emissions in half by 2050. After the leaders agreed, they all had a big laugh and swirled the ice cubes in their scotch.

You’re out
Yankee All-Star Alex Rodriguez’s wife filed for divorce this week. Something about how he has been caught cheating on her numerous times while she has been taking care of the kids. Happy to hear the announcement are ladies across the country and teammate Derek Jeter.

Don’t sugar coat it, Reverend
Rev. Jesse Jackson apologized this week for remarks he made about Sen. Barack Obama that were recorded accidentally into an open microphone after an interview. Jackson said, “See, Barack’s been talking down to black people … I want to cut his nuts off.” An extra Secret Service agent has been posted to guard Obama’s crotch around the clock.

High school has changed so much since I was there
A new study shows that for the first time since 1991, U.S. teen pregnancy rates are rising. No one seems to have a clear reason for the sudden increase, but point to high-profile teen pregnancies this that of Jamie Lynn Spears, 17, and the girls of Gloucester High School as possible influences. We here at SG have no idea what or who could be responsible for it.

It’s like Chicken Soup for the future divorcee’s soul

Everyone loves celebrity divorces, even the ones involving sports celebrities. Boston just got a new reason to like the current A-Rod debacle: a new player emerged in the story. Boston’s most valuable player is not a member of the Red Sox. It’s not even a he. No, on this day, Boston’s MVP is more like an MVS-Most Valuable Stripper.

A former in stripper in Boston claims that she single-handedly changed the face of baseball history—by bonking (married) New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez in his hotel room during the 2004 American League Championship Series, thus causing his team to collapse in a historically unprecedented fashion against their arch nemesis Boston Red Sox, allowing that city to claim its first World Series title in 86 years (which, let’s be perfectly honest about, they have not shut up about since and have totally allowed bandwagon jumpers to hop aboard). She’s like Shoeless Joe Jackson, but instead of shoes, she just takes off her bra.

“Bra-less Candy”, perhaps?