Alright, people of the Internet. We’ve called this meeting because it’s time for us to settle once and for all what zombies are. We believe we can all agree that, technically:
1. A person who eats faces, but is not dead, is a cannibal. [NOT A ZOMBIE]
2. A person who cuts out their own guts and throws them at the police, but again is not dead, is one of the Gang of Four. [NOT A ZOMBIE]
3. A person who hits someone with their car and then zaps them with a stun gun, but is not only not dead, but also arrested, is [NOT A ZOMBIE], no matter what their vanity license plate may claim.
Glad we could settle this. Rage on.