Tag: american academy of pediatrics

Foreskin and seven beers ago …

The male cricumcision debate rages on in the Western world with advocates on both sides claiming a list of benefits from having a either a turtle- or crew-necked penis. (The Guys prefer a V-cut, ourselves.) And now, the American Academy of Pediactrics have weighed in … sort of.

The AAP — which is not to be confused with the American Academy of Pediatricians, a collection of right-wing lunatics with medical degrees and an unhealthy fascination with gay kids — has concluded that, yes, there are health benefits to circumcising your baby boy and that those benefits outweigh the risks of the procedure. (They did not, however, acknowledge our dissertation on there being more than one way to skin a penis.)

Just to be clear: the AAP isn’t saying that circumcised is better than not circumcised, just that it’s not as medically dangerous as opponents claim. And so ultimately, the decision as to which is better rests in the hands of the only qualified judges: straight women and gay men.

Movement to ban human veal

If the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) gets its way, then you can say goodbye to human veal.

The group of pediatricians have begun lobbying each state to prohibit teenagers under 18 years old from UV tanning beds. They believe that the ban would help cut skin cancer rates as the risk of melanoma increases with number of years of indoor tanning.

Of course, this means that that teenage girls will binge tan on their eighteenth birthdays, which makes their meat tough and stringy. At that point, we might as well boil our shoe leather.

The McBournie Minute: The menace that is food

The world is a dangerous place, and that goes double if you are a small child. Why, if you aren’t watched carefully, you are liable to choke yourself to death inside a plastic bag. Children are incredibly stupid, I believe science can back me up on that one.

As you may have heard, the American Academy of Pediatrics said earlier today that there should be labels on types of food that are choking hazards for small children. Hot dogs, grapes and small carrots rank among the most deadly for young children.

I know what you’re thinking. Back in my day, we ate out hot dogs cut up and dunked in ketchup. We didn’t get to eat whole hot dogs on a bun. No, we ate it sliced and we liked it that way. Does that mean that I had parents who actually paid attention to simple dangers as most parents should, thus negating the need for these labels in the first place? Hell no! In fact, I agree with the AAP. I think we need labels on more than just the types of foods they listed. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: The menace that is food