Tag: americans

Even Americans’ brains getting fatter

University of Tennessee biological anthropologist Richard Jantz says you’re a fathead. Well, not really. But it’s definitely fatter than those of your ancestors.

After measuring the skulls of white Americans born between 1825 and 1985, Jantz found that their heads are at least 8 millimeters larger. Taking the entire circumference into account, that amounts to a tennis ball-sized extra helping of brain.

But, let’s not go crazy here, white supremacists. This isn’t to say that other races‘ heads aren’t growing, too, just that white people are typically the only ones who let scientists touch them after that whole Tuskegee experiment thing. This also explains how bigger brains don’t necessarily translate to higher intelligence.

We were up all night writing this, not even stopping for a snack

It’s meaningless study time again! Want to guess which of the wealthiest nations eats more in terms of time? The answer may surprise you. Want to know who sleeps the most? Well, it’s the same country.

But rather than get into that, let’s get to the more important question: who the hell in this country sleeps an average of 8.5 hours a night?

This survey was most likely not talking about kids, but since when do Americans sleep more than eight hours? We bleary-eyed, contributing members of society, and more so, those of us who are not opposed to the night life, would like to know who is sleeping in. Is it you old people? Maybe the farmers waking up at the crack of dawn and going to bed after sunset?

Anyway, the answers from the first questions we asked: the French eat more and sleep more. That makes sense. All that cigarette smoking and philosophical debating in cafés can really wear you out–and work up an appetite.

Take it from Snee: Now I know what sex is like

Alright, so I threw away my broken toys last week and got married. I have now played with man things, like post-season baseball, college football and even dabbled in tuning out my wife. Yes, like a butterfly emerging forth from my basement cocoon, I have unfurled my wings to let the light beer of my college years drip off and become … a married comedy writer.

But don’t worry, SeriouslyReaders. I’m not about to turn “Take it from Snee” into Tim Allen’s next sitcom. No, I have more to bring you this week than anecdotes about my wedding. (Take my wife, for instance … please!)

No, I’ve also turned into an international man. You see, for two whole days, I had the honor–nay, privilege–of holding a temporary Bermuda driver’s license. Bermuda, of course, is an overseas territory of Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II; therefore, I was Her Sovereign’s humble subject for two glorious days in the oldest remaining British colony!

So, as a married man who’s now seen how the rest of the world lives, let me share a few insights with you ugly Americans. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Now I know what sex is like

Oh, what a beautiful mornin’

Good morning, America! How’s it hanging?

You got your coffee that barista whipped up extra special for you, using their hands? Did they get a little caramel on a finger and lick it off? It’s amazing they only nicked themselves on that bagel guillotine. Oh, these carefree days!

Oh, by the way:

THE CDC REPORTS THAT THERE’S MORE AMERICANS WITH HIV THAN WE THOUGHT.

Well, hope you a wonderful day!