Every summer is the Summer of Something. 1998 was the Summer of Asteroid Movies. The year before that was the Summer of George. Last summer was the Summer of Thinking 2016 is as Bad as It Will Ever Get … which means we had to find a new theme for this year instead of reheating last summer’s leftovers. So, we’re now at least waist-deep into the Summer of Mystery Amputations.
He didn’t show up at the hospital until a week later, so it must have worked. After all, a week is a long time. That’s a lot of takeout ordering if you can’t leave the house without clotheslining anyone taller than three feet. And once you run out of hats to hang off it, then you’re back to the ol’ Netflix queue … which you can watch at any mast.
So, it’s all fun and games until somebody loses their hard-on. Just try to exercise some restraint so that you can have fun again later. After a nap. And maybe a sandwich.
A game of tug-of-war at South Monte High School ended abruptly when the rope snapped, amputating a combined nine fingers from two participating students. One lost four fingers on his right hand, and another lost four fingers on her right hand and left thumb, which makes her the default winner since the match ended without a traditional victor. It’s believed that the students had wrapped the rope around their hands, and that this generated the force necessary to snap the rope and tear their fingers off.
The match was part of the school’s annual celebration of Spirit Week. Even if their fingers are reattached successfully, it may take months before they have the full range of motion necessary to convey that they have spirit, yes they do. And until doctors are able to reattach them, the students will be unable to stop farting after the ultimate pulling of fingers.
I mean, really … yowch (link is potentially Not Safe For Work).
Breaking up is hard to do, and teenagers are super emotional (hilariously making them lamer than they can even believe), but nonetheless … yeesh. There are somethings a lad can do to get over being dumped, but to quote a line from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, “he chose poorly.”
Glass half full side: some old and unmarried woman is going to get her wish the next time she tosses a penny down the well.