Walk like an Egyptian amputee

“Wiggle your big t — oh.”

So, this is pretty cool. Archaeologists found a 3,000-year-old fancy prosthetic big toe in the Sheikh ´Abd el-Qurna tomb in Egypt back in 1997. After studying it, they found that it is remarkably advanced, being able to hold up body weight, flex and help the person it was fitted to walk relatively normally.

It also let the ancient one-percenter daughter of a priest continue wearing flip-flops, demonstrating the world’s oldest recorded case of #firstworldproblems. (Technically, this would be a #newkingdomproblem, amiright?)

So, good news if you need to fake your own ransom for money, time-travelling Bunny Lebowski.

Queen’s knees really the cat’s pajamas

Ancient Egyptian grave robbers were apparently “everything but legs” men.

If you’ve ever wondered why scientists love studying ancient Egypt so much, it’s probably because the case load is so bizarre. (That, and, mummification does make it easier to find out what people actually looked like and did, so take that, Sumerians.) Take, for instance, the mysterious set of disembodied knees in Queen Nefertari’s tomb.

Nefertari’s tomb was ransacked, big time. By the time archaeologists pith-helmeted their way into her burial chamber (diggity), over two-thirds of everything was gone. And we mean everything, because all they found in human remains was maybe one-third of the queen herself.

That’s where it gets even weirder: they couldn’t just assume those were her knees. Theories ranged from they were from another burial before or after Nefertari or possibly even a set of rando knees that washed in from a flood. Because that’s something that just happens outside of New Jersey.

But, with enough evidence, including carbon dating and bone daintiness measurements — whoever had those knees spent a lot of hours reclining — scientists are finally confident enough to say that, yes, these are the Queen’s knees. And she knew how to not use them.

Meanwhile, we’re still looking for King Tut’s erect penis.