A chainsaw in the hand is as good as two in the pants

When I was a pre-teen, I can remember a classmate talking to me about the jacket that he would wear into a store in order to shoplift stuff. It was a gigantic, puffy jacket, so it made sense, I suppose. But sometimes you need more room. Obviously, there’s plenty of that down your pants. Right, Anthony Black?

Buuuuuut it doesn’t work all the time. Or potentially at all. Right, Anthony Black? An employee with a vast and firm grasp on the English language, states:

“I seen the bar between his legs. It was pretty obvious. Imagine it in the front of your pants.”

It’s certainly an interesting way to impress the ladies. Black decided that chainsaw wasn’t worth the hassle, ditching it and running out the store. Which promptly led headfirst into a creek.

As if the frosting on this delicious cake of hilarity, police think Black may have been intoxicated while doing so. Because chainsaws and alcohol are a fine mix. This is the best story I’ve heard all week.