Take it from Snee: Here’s a nude picture of me

I swore a long time ago that I would never resort to this to be famous … but, writing just isn’t gonna buy me the things my wife wants. I’ve decided to bare it all on only the most reputable of Web sites. Sorry, mom and dad, but, without any further ado: Continue reading Take it from Snee: Here’s a nude picture of me

Take it from Snee: What isn’t art

In the weeks following Roger Ebert’s tweet (ugh) about video games never being art, I decided to try something new. Instead of instantly reacting and writing, I thought. And read. And observed. And then I thought some more. I may have also masturbated to a Michaelangelo. But, then I thought about that.

Point is: you can call this a slow reaction to a story that everyone has already had his or her say on. I call it deliberate.

You see, Ebert brought up an excellent idea, perhaps without realizing it (though I wouldn’t put it past the cheeky booger-monger). What do we consider art, and more importantly, why isn’t it? Video games can’t be the only field that millions of people–including the artists that work on them–mistake for art.

So, after a lot of revoked library cards and expulsion from every major art gallery with a listing on Craigslist, I have come back from the wilderness, not to tell you what art is, but what isn’t art. Continue reading Take it from Snee: What isn’t art

You know who else had a wishlist?

One of 31 albums of artwork that Adolf Hitler wanted will be returned to Germany in January. The album is a collection of photographs of artwork that Hitler hoped to collect for his Führermuseum in Linz, Austria.

The album was taken by John Pistone at the end of World War II when he entered Hitler’s home in the Bavarian Alps in 1945, which is surprising when you consider that of all the souvenirs he could have grabbed–weapons, uniforms or cloning vials–he choose a 12-pound picture book.

Check for missing artwork, treasury funds

Isn't that Brad Pitt in the background?President Barack Obama hosted the latest of several questionable guests at the White House Tuesday: Pierce Brosnan. Other guests also include Brad Pitt and George Clooney.

It would be irresponsible to accuse Obama of consorting with known very cool thieves and even moreso to implicate him in the greatest heist in American history.

But, it’s not a threat to national security if we ask it: Is President Obama planning to steal priceless presidential artifacts with movie stars?

ROBOT BABY MADE NUCLEAR BOOM-BOOM IN ITS TITANIUM DIAPER

Annnnnnd there goes Malaysia.

All right, so at the end of World War II (aka, the War We Won, Gol-Dernit), we took away Japan’s military presence, leaving them with the Self Defense Force. They’re only allowed to spend 2% of their GDP on the protectorate of the nation (which is still a heckuva lot of money, mind you), and so it leaves them with a lot of free time.

I guess that’s why they built a giant killer robot. You know, for “art.” At least that’s what artist Yanobe Kenji says.

According to him, the robot will be safe from the whims of evil men who want to conquer the world.

“This giant toratan doll is the ultimate child’s weapon, as it sings, dances, breathes fire, and follows only those orders given by children.”

Oh great, let children control a device that breathes fire and has a true purpose as “art.” We’ll be real safe then. Smooth move, Japan. It’s not like you already have a scary history with robots.

The robot, sighted in Roppongi, stands about 24 ft tall and is made of aluminum, steel, brass, FRP, and styrofoam. What does that mean?The best way to take the behemoth down would be with a giant magnet. Either that, or just start fighting the kids controlling the thing. They’ll go down pretty easy.

Unless they don’t go down easy at all. In which case, SG would like to print a correction: at the end of World War II, we every country but the United States of America took away Japan’s military presence, leaving them with the Self Defense Force.

Take it from Snee: Shepard Fairey is a hack

This may surprise you, but when it comes to art, I am a snob. By snob, of course, I mean that I have an appreciation of it that far surpasses your fascination with painted light and the sad Bible-screwing that this “light” portrays.

(Seriously, folks: just read your Bible. Don’t take it home, fornicate with it and tell me all about it later. It’s disrespectful to the Bible and the lewd details upset my sensitive Crom-worshipping morals.)

So, as a hyperaware art snob, or psnob, a certain work of art has not escaped my attention. Yes, I mean the Obama “Hope” image by Shepard Fairey. I ignored it for most of the election, but now it’s being hailed as a masterpiece. Some people are actually converting their own pictures into the red-white-and-blue style.

When Facebook and Twitter accounts are being wantonly defaced, I cannot stand by as this piece of “art” becomes a phenomenon. Shepard Fairey is a hack … but it’s not his fault because his competition, the real street artist, is a mother#%king ninja. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Shepard Fairey is a hack

How To: Be an artist

At some point, you decided to be famous. But not normal famous–there’s some things you just won’t eat (anymore). And not by getting your band back together–Steve’s still a toolbox.

That leaves only one way to become famous: you’ll have to be an artist, and we don’t mean “I sell needlepoint apples at craft shows” artist. We mean an artiste; why, practically begging to have a ninja turtle named after you.

You keep dreaming big while we explain how to be an artist. Continue reading How To: Be an artist

Iowa: finally in the news for something other than a caucus

Strippers can now drop the much maligned social stigma that comes with their practice. For you see, in Iowa, these single-mothers of two who are having dollar bills stuffed into their g-strings in order to make it through med school are not forlorn harlots, no, they’re artists.

According to Iowa law, there is no all nude stripping allowed … in clubs. However, if it is performed in a theater or art center, it is considered art. Unless it is the 17-year-old niece of a local Des Moines sheriff.

A legend unto itself

Can you imagine a painting so brazen, so abandoned and so vulgar that it could not be shown in public for more than 60 years? Why, by just reading about it, you’re already being condemned to the worst afterlife that could possibly happen. A place filled only by communist clowns, hatchet murders, baby kissers and Uwe Boll. A place where your soul can never return from.

It couldn’t be a tasteful nude piece, right? Right?

RIGHT? Welcome to the difference between 1947 and now.

(Link is possibly Not Safe For Work-be on the safe side and think that it isn’t)

Life in a fish bowl

Folks, if there is one clear threat to humanity, it’s goldfish. We are not talking about the delicious cracker-like snack that poses the ever-present danger of choking to death. No, we are talking about the actual fish. Shockingly enough, these things are still legally sold in pet stores for just a ten cents.

To make matters worse, it is getting to the point where we cannot even use them for artistic expression anymore. According to DCist, around 100 goldfish were used in an art exhibit in Washington, DC. The city later shut down the exhibit, probably because the fish are a recognized threat to the many important people who live and work in the greater Washington area.

However, some species traitor realized that when the place was closed down, those “poor, defenseless” goldfish were still trapped inside with no one to feed them their tricolored flakes. The human-hater called the Humane Society (think the animal version of the mafia), which swooped in to save 20 of the monsters. We salute any artist expression that kills animals and challenge all those who stand in the way or winning the war. Humane Society–watch your back.