Weekend science: Drink before you smoke

Everyone knows that smoking is bad. Many people know that drinking and smoking is fun, but we now know that drinking when smoking can be good for you.

According to a published scientific study that has no chance of ever being pulled or refuted, if you drink a couple glasses of red wine before lighting up, you may block some of the damage from tobacco smoking. Turns out, red wine’s benefits on your cardiovascular system can block the short-term negative effects that cigarette in your hand will have on your arteries.

So smoke ’em if you got ’em, but knock a couple back first. We may be enablers, but we don’t want you to die.

Self-medication: Palcohol can save your arteries

Remember palcohol, the powered booze that we never got to try because the government banned it? It’s back, and it’s about to solve America’s biggest health crisis.

According to researchers, palcohol can help reduce the plaque that can build up in arteries. Beta-cyclodextrin, one of the active ingredients in many fat-reducing medications, is also found in powdered booze. Scientists found that giving mice that had been fed a high-cholesterol diet some beta-cyclodextrin over a few days and noticed a 46% drop in their overall cholesterol levels.

The time to legalize palcohol is now. We could save lives. Americans want their powered booze, and they want to sprinkle it on their bacon cheeseburgers so they don’t die.