Quick, someone call Bruce Willis!

Forget Anthrax! Screw weapons of mass destruction! Smallpox, you’re just old news! The real threat to human safety is not on the planet, but above the planet.

It’s that time of the year again! Yes, the world’s scientific community has gotten together, not to finally give us our f—ing jet-packs already, but to give awareness to the world that the most serious threat to Earth are asteroids. Something Hollywood has been telling us for the past ten years, at least.

To sum up the points of the conference:

  • The Association of Space Explorers wants the UN to approve asteroid interception missions.
  • An asteroid may have killed off all of the dinosaurs.
  • Asteroid Apophis, like everything else in space, has a possible chance of hitting Earth.
  • Gravity can be used to deflect asteroids.
  • If Apophis hits Earth, we’re boned.
  • We must take this threat for real because, let’s face it, we won’t always have Ben Affleck around to protect us.

What can save us now:

  • Michael Bay’s filmmaking
  • A power ballad by Aerosmith
  • President Morgan Freeman
  • Superboy of Earth Prime