Tag: assault rifle

A standoff that began with a run for the border

According to a survey published in the BMC Psychiatry journal, mentally ill patients are more likely to be obese or overweight than patients with physiological disorders.

This may help explain why a San Antonio, Tex., man attacked a Taco Bell with an air gun and a semiautomatic assault rifle and pistol over the price increase on Beefy Crunch Burritos. He discovered the beefy crunchy hike from 99 cents to $1.49 after ordering seven of them.

The good news is that, after a three-hour standoff with the SWAT team, we can all have a hearty laugh about this. Unless of course, you, dear reader, planned to buy 30 burritos for $30 at lunch today.

Be on the lookout for nothing

Niagra, Wisconsin is being terrorized by a gun man in camoflauge. He sticks to the woods and carries an assualt rifle, managing to shoot four people already–killing three. His people count could have been higher, but he’s in the woods.

So how has he managed to shoot so many people already? We can’t see him. (Even CNN doesn’t have a picture!) Hell, nobody called the police for the first two because everyone thought it was the Predator, and killing him will just trigger a nuclear blast.

So, be on the lookout, citizens. If you don’t see him, do not try to apprehend him. Tell the police where he might be lurking and don’t reveal any weapons. (That’ll just give your death some honor.)

UPDATE (8/1/08):

They got him! … Or did they?

Keep your eyes in the skies, and set on heat-detection mode.