The Sacramento Superior Court ruled Thursday that Jose Hernandez, a former NASA astronaut who served for two weeks aboard the International Space Station, can list himself as an astronaut on California’s primary election ballot. His occupation listing was challenged by “a Sacramento law firm with ties to top state Republicans,” who maintain that since Hernandez hasn’t been in space or NASA since January 2011, that being a rocket man is no longer his primary occupation.
Considering that only 327 Americans have gone into space since 1961 — and because he is probably a carrier of Space Madness (which we’ve previously warned about) — we’re pretty sure he’s considered an astronaut for the rest of his life. Besides, check out his Wikipedia page: Jose Hernandez (astronaut).
After all, once we sell this site to a Czech communal comedy farm, we’re still going to list ourselves as Guys.
We already have a pretty good idea of how astronauts go to the bathroom. (It involves a vacuum cleaner and true grit.) We know how they eat. (Acrobatically.) We even know how they sleep. (Restrained to a wall because you’d have to be insane to eat and go to the bathroom in space.)
To date, they’ve been living the high life, wearing their underwear fresh out of the pack and then incinerating them. But, a new washing machine on the International Space Station could force them to live like the rest of us: wearing each pair until they run out, putting on swim trunks and washing them in a new low-power, low- water washing machine.
At least now we know that our collection of astronaut undies were a fraud.
So, you think you’ve got Christmas spirit, eh? With your giant nativity scene, Night Elf Mohawk ears and Ralphie bunny suit, do ya?
Well, just like everything else you endeavor in life, an astronaut’s got you beat.
Astronauts aboard the space station get not one, but two (TWO) Christmases. No, they’re not all the children of broken marriages. They celebrate the real one on December 25 and then the Russian one on Jan. 7 where everyone exchanges the same exact present.
(Hope you like vodka rations.)
Two Christmases may seem like a good idea, especially when you’re flying, but we’ve heard this all before:
So, it turns out that there are costumed heroes roving the streets of Cincinnati. (Seriously, watch the video.)
Yeah, I was surprised, too. I thought Cincinnati burned down shortly after WKRP was canceled. But, no: Shadowhare, your friendly neighborhood guy-who’s-obsessed-with-Donnie-Darko-and-Watchmen, patrols the streets with his band of presumably twenty-something-year-old friends, talking to homeless people, annoying (yet, entertaining) cops and even communicating with other likeminded individuals online.
The first thing that came to mind was, “Where did I go after The Guys’ last get-together: The Absinthe-Minded Professors.” (We watched both versions while drinking absinthe and, after running out, then concocted our own “flubber.”)