It seems like every week we hear about more humans losing their jobs because of automation (read: robots). How can a human that expects pay possibly compete with machine slave labor? The answer is in banking.
Thanks to ATMs, the only reason people actually walk into a bank anymore is to rob it, but a bank teller in Detroit was having none of it. According to reports, a man walked into a bank in suburban Detroit and handed the teller a note saying that he was armed. The bank teller simply walked away, forcing the would-be robber to leave empty-handed.
Look, we at SG understand: it’s still pretty hard out there, these days. We all are in need of money. Having money makes things easier. It’s the truth!
So, we don’t condone, but we can understand someone trying to use a get-rich-quick scheme to obtain some easy money, even if the scheme is much more unlawful than anyone would like to admit. That said, there are three rules when it comes to a crime-laden get-rich-quick scheme:
Don’t let the cost of your scheme be more than your total profit take.
Police and Hyattsville, Maryland are looking for two men who they say attempted to steal an ATM — the entire machine — early Monday morning. All authorities know about them is their gender, that they were driving a white pickup truck and that they really, really needed a bunch of $20 bills.
If caught and sentenced, they can expect a $3 service fee added to their fine.
Of all the things you can do with a corpse, the “Weekend at Bernie’s” runs a close second to … well, ask your parents. And when Robert Young and Mark Rubinson found their buddy Jeffery Jarrett dead in his home, they (allegedly) knew that Jeff had just delivered them a godsend.
According to police, the two picked Jarrett up off of whatever he died on (please say it was the toilet, please please please) and loaded him into an SUV. They then used Jarrett’s money to pay for drinks and food at two locations, dropped him back off at home — because he’d obviously had enough — and then went back out to a strip club.
At this point, once they had ditched the body, you could argue that they were just taking advantage of their friend’s death to profit. But, explain this: when they got to the strip club, they withdrew $400 from the ATM with his debit card.
You may think you’re tight with your friends, but are you close enough to create a death pact with them, including the PIN to your bank account?
“The GOLD to go” machine spits out 24-karat gold bars from 1 to 250 grams. And it can vend gold coins and bars with the Golden Nugget logo. The cost is constantly updated to reflect the ever-changing gold market. A computer inside the ATM keeps up with current prices.
The current cost at the ATM is more than $1,000 per ounce. Easily accessible for everyone. Surely. Oh, and to sweeten the deal, gold can’t be exchanged for chips at the hotel.
Having watched far too much CNN Headlines News over the past decade, I can only hope that the voice of the machine is an unemotional British woman. Or Pete Rose.