Reasonable times for customers to draw guns

Here in the U.S., we’re very pro-gun. In fact, you can carry your gun pretty much anywhere you want, nervous people waiting in line at Wendy’s be damned. But for some reason, people get a little nervous about actually pulling out their gun, particularly in business-to-customer settings. Here are some helpful tips.

OK: When you don’t like your sandwich. We’ve all been there. You put in your order at a fast food place, and what you get doesn’t match up with the picture on the menu. A 20-year-old man in Ohio was upset that his sandwich at Steak N Shake had an egg on it that looked super gross. So as a reasonable customer, he threatened to shoot up the place. Now, he didn’t actually have a gun, so charges probably won’t stick. But the key here is that you can whip out your gun, just don’t make any threats. Let your shiny revolver do the talking.

OK: When a utility van is parked outside your house. In Florida, a 64-year-old man didn’t like that there were two AT&T trucks parked outside his house, especially that one guy was up in the cherrypicker on one of them. So he calmly walked outside and shot out the tires of the two vans. Because if you want vehicles to move, shooting their tires is your best option. Also, note that he shot below the bumper, so he’ll likely avoid vehicleslaughter charges.

You Missed It: The downward spiral edition

I would like to take this opportunity to tell you, the reader, that I want an HDTV. I am not telling you that I’ve been looking at 1080p resolution televisions because Christmas is coming and I am dropping subtle hints. No, I just thought you might find it interesting that I am looking for something with a 40-inch or 42-inch screen. That’s all. If you were busy getting fired from your coaching job, odds are you missed it.

It’s Valhalla!
A large spiral was spotted in the sky over Norway this week. The Internet was flooded with pictures in what is either one of the most elaborate hoaxes in history, or a Russian missle gone haywire, if you listen to reports. The spiral is similar to one seen in the night sky over China earlier this year. For those of you who see this as a sign of the end of the world, The Guys would like to ask you one question: if you’re going to go out, wouldn’t you want to go out wearing SG merch?

Stayed tuned for the interview with Troy Polamalu
Former Clinton aide George Stephanopoulos will take over a vacancy left by Diane Sawyer on ABC’s Good Morning America. The move seems questionable to critics of ABC’s journalistic integrity as of late. Either way, Stepanopoulos because the second most bevoweled GMA host since Charles Gibsooooooooooooooooooon.

There’s an app for that
Half of The Guys have iPhones, thus have AT&T as their carrier. (It used to be three our of four, but the balance has been struck.) And when they are able to get 3G service on their iPhones, they seem content. However, a lot of Death Star customers are not. AT&T wants to hear from its customers when its service sucks, so it released an iPhone app so that people can let the company know. Our prediction: Most. Popular. App. Ever.

Death Fridge, the fridge that kills

Twenty-eight people were sickened by the stench at an AT&T office building in San Jose, Wednesday morning when a well-meaning staffer — who had just, natch, had nasal surgery for her allergies, rendering her slightly more immune — purged a fridge of its ancient leftovers.

After a few high-power air-fresheners were administered, the mix of chemicals and rotting food smell had workers complaining of nausea and vomiting. More than 300 employees were evacuated; seven were sent to the hospital.

It’s a bad sign when the fridge at your workplace needs its own series of OSHA ruling guidelines.