Science: some people ‘bowling alley beautiful’

When running for office, never be seen with your more handsome "doppelganger."
When running for office, never be seen with your more handsome “doppelgänger.”

Some people are just naturally, ungodly beautiful in any setting, next to anyone. These are the people we destroy by turning them into celebrities because, like a race car, what’s the point of owning anything beautiful if you don’t run it into a wall or two.

For the rest of us, we’re all also beautiful in that Ray Stevens sense — as in, in the proper context. According to actual research, anyone can rate as more generally attractive by being the most attractive person around or in a group.

For instance, think of Marco Rubio. Next to Saved by the Bell‘s Mario Lopez, Rubio looks like Bert and Ernie’s in vitro Muppet son. (Lopez is only two years younger, proving how fickle the gods are with bestowing handsomeness.)

Now, put him on stage in a herd of doughy guys ranging from Chris Christie to John Kasich, and he looks like one of their interns snuck on stage.

With the right crowd, you can easily win F*ck, Marry, Kill, Kill, Kill Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill or Kill.
With the right crowd, you can easily win F*ck, Marry, Kill, Kill, Kill Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill or Kill.

This effectively disproves the Roadie Theory, which is that, one day, the lead singer, guitarist, drummer and bass player will all one day decide not to have sex with someone, which means you’re in. Unfortunately, in that crowd, you probably rank lower than, “Uber home, turn in early.”

Science: You’re unsuccessful because you’re so good looking

"Maybe I'll get that raise next year."
“If I keep getting passed over for bonuses I won’t be able to afford clothes.”

Look at you. You’re reading stupid blogs to kill time at work. You’ve spent years of your life doing the same tasks day-in and day-out with hardly any recognition. There’s no promotion in sight, you handsome devil, you.

According to researchers in the U.S. and the U.K., good-looking men are often passed over for promotions and other competitive roles in the workplace because less attractive men see them as a threat. You see, men in power don’t want good looking men under them to advance, because they believe the hunk will show them up.

So sit back, take another sip of coffee, and get back to playing solitaire. You can rest easy knowing that your boss envies your good looks.

Study: You were hotter when you were 24, ladies

Ladies, you’re all beautiful, no matter what your age. Unfortunately, guys think your attractiveness goes down once you hit 25. We’re not saying it, data is saying it.

Christian Rudder co-founded dating site OKCupid, and he’s got a whole lot of data about what his customers have said they look for in a potential mate over the years. The data shows that women find men attractive generally near their age, maybe a year or two younger. But to men aged 20 to 50, women look their most attractive between 20 and 24. Every single age group said this. It doesn’t mean men don’t find women attractive when they are 25 or older, just that they probably wish they met those women back when they were fresh out of college.

So ladies, make sure to find The One by age 26 or so, or say hello to spinsterhood.

Study refutes Sir Mix-a-Lot’s claims

Don't trust this man. He's not even a real knight.
Don’t trust this man. He’s not even a real knight.

We’ve heard a lot from music over the years about how great butts are. Last year there was even a sub-genre of women singing about how great their butts were, and how desirous they make men. Turns out, it’s all lies.

According to a study by researchers at Queen’s University in Canada, the butt alone does not make one an attractive mate — or even just a killer rack. Rather, it’s how you appear overall. Participants in the study graded outlines of people’s bodies for overall attractiveness, then they graded hybrids of bodies with what were supposed to be the most attractive parts individually. The hybrids weren’t rated as highly.

Unfortunately for The Guys, “sense of humor” wasn’t ranked in overall attractiveness.

How to make anyone find you attractive

Science can make anyone sexy.

We’ve been buying and selling that promise for years, but ask any dead person, assuming you’re a medium, it doesn’t work out so well. But now, whether young or old, ugly or not as hot as the person sitting next to you, you can get anyone you want. All you need to do is control their brain.

All you need to do is attach two electrodes to your would-be lover’s scalp, and have then look at you, according to a recent study. Scientists found that people who got a certain amount of electrical current fed to their brain as they looked at pictures of people were more likely to find those people attractive.

No ether required.

A pill to keep you from doing dumb things for pretty girls

Women are sexy, and men are affected by this on a daily basis. They are more susceptible to suggestion and overall more malleable under a woman’s power. That’s why The Guys have a daily regimen of minocycline.

A study in Japan has shown that the acne antibiotic minocycline can help protect a man’s brain from the clutches of pretty ladies. Researchers found that in a trust game involving money, men who were given a placebo were more likely to trust attractive women, and with more money than less attractive women. Men who took minocycline were far less likely to trust women based on their physical appearance.

In other words, there’s a drug that can keep you from falling prey to trifling women.

(via Brian C.)