Someone bought Hitler’s underwear for some reason

Hitler’s underwear went on the auction block last week and you missed out on it–unless of course you’re the highest bidder.

An auction house in Maryland sold a pair of Adolf Hitler’s underwear, fetching $6,737. The monogrammed white boxers were said to have been left at an Austrian hotel after the Nazi leader stayed there in 1938. The hotel owner’s grandson sold the weird item.

Some readers may recall that Eva Braun’s panties were auctioned off just last year. Turns out both pairs of Nazi underwear were sold at the same auction house, Alexander Historical Auctions.

So if you’ve got some creepy OG Nazi stuff you want to unload (and alt right rallies show the market is hot right now), apparently Maryland is open for business.

You missed out on the auction of Eva Braun’s panties

She’s been dead for 71 years, but the old Nazi gal’s panties are still worth something.

More than a year ago, we told you about Adolf Hitler’s wife, Eva Braun’s panties were going up for auction after being found in Ohio of all places. This week, they fetched about $3,700 at auction from an undisclosed buyer and likely Trump supporter.

Cheer up. We’re sure that the underwear of another ruthless mass-murderer’s mistress/wife will go up for sale sometime soon.

You Missed It: Half-cocked edition

Racist McShootFace was a five-time bare-knuckle boxing champion in the 1880s.
Racist McShootFace was a five-time bare-knuckle boxing champion in the 1880s.

I saw various people this week get upset about a report from employees that Facebook is biased against right-leaning news in its news feed thing. Here’s a question: who cares? Facebook isn’t a news source, as much as it would like to be. The stuff that pops up in its news sidebar are the least important news items out there in the first place. It’s just celebrities are TV news. How a free site chooses what is and isn’t newsworthy in its own judgment should have no impact on your life. The far-right seem to get their news via sharing memes, anyway. If you were busy waiting in the airport security line this week, odds are you missed it.

Gun auction misfires
Noted bigot and fashion critic George Zimmerman managed to crawl back into the headlines this week when he put up for auction the gun he used to murder teenager Trayvon Martin for being black and wearing a hoodie in 2012. Zimmerman said some of the proceeds would go to fight Black Lives Matter. However, the online auction kept getting derailed by activist bidders driving up the price, many of the bids came from a bidder named Racist McShootFace, which means Zimmerman needs to come up with a new name for the boat he’s going to buy.

Smokin’ in the bathroom that matches your gender identity
This week, the Obama administration released a letter of guidance to public schools to allow transgender students to use the bathrooms they are most comfortable with. North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory called on Congress and federal courts to defeat the guidance, saying that students should use the bathroom that matches the gender on their birth certificate. Because North Carolina has a rich history of making people use the bathrooms and water fountains according to certain physical characteristics.

1800s nearly forgotten
The death of the oldest living American this week means that Italian national Emma Morano is the last living person to have seen the 19th century. The 116-year-old was born in November of 1899. She credits her longevity, and this is true, to a daily glass of homemade brandy. So drink to Morano when you hoist one back this weekend. Who knows, maybe one say you’ll be lucky enough to have outlived your siblings, children and anyone else in the world who can relate to you in any way!

You Missed It: Border wars edition

What a hellhole, eh?
What a hellhole, eh?

Generally, NASCAR is pretty funny. It’s a sport where spectators’ goal is to get a drunk as possible beforehand and then dodge flying debris during. It’s a symbol for life, really. You spend the whole time trying to maintain your buzz, watching people you’ll never be compete for the entertainment of thousands, going in circles all the while. But today, we can’t make fun of racing, because they lost one of their own. Dick Trickle was found dead of an apparent suicide. Stop snickering at his name, you guys. If you were busy explaining to the insurance company about how your car got closed in a gate this week, odds are you missed it.

A city hits rock bottom
Toronto has had an unusually hard week. After battling back in the series to force a game 7, the Maple Leafs fell to the Boston Bruins in overtime. Then it was reported that people are shopping around a video of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack. Your hockey team lost to the Bruins in the first round and your mayor is caught smoking the rock? Congratulations, Toronto, you’re Washington, D.C. in 1990!

From the Hill looking down
It was uncovered this week that IRS agents targeted groups with conservative-sounding names seeking nonprofit status in recent years, which has drawn criticism from conservative lawmakers. Further Congressional hearings were also called investigating last September’s Bengazi attack, which was investigated months ago. The House also voted for the 37th time to repeal Obamacare. Any day now, lawmakers are going to get around to that sequestration thing.

There is not enough soap to get you clean
This week, an anonymous bidder purchased a topless painting of Bea Arthur for $1.9 million dollars. The painting was done in 1991, and Arthur did not sit for the work of art. The bidder reportedly is planning to spend the entire weekend alone in his room.

We’ve never asked for anything before

Good day, dear reader. (Yes, you.) Do you enjoy the SeriouslyGuys Web site, including features like “Ask Dr. Snee,” serifed headlines and a jarringly bleak background?

SG is a non-profit company–as in we’ve never made a profit off of our merch–and we’re mostly OK with that. But, you have an opportunity to help us not only continue our ongoing coverage of the War on Animals, but maybe even kick it up a notch. This is up for auction right now:

This is Umed Singh II’s 1925 Rolls-Royce Phantom. It was custom-built for hunting tigers with “a double-barreled shotgun, spotlights for night hunting and a mountable Lantaka cannon.” It is our Batmobile, if Batman made love to his car’s jet engine every night. And, most importantly, it will help us compete with the new Whale Wars spinoff in Denmark.

We just need $1 million. We will pay you back in tiger testicles.

Last one to die gets to keep it

Marilyn Monroe’s iconic white dress from The Seven Year Itch was auctioned on Saturday. It was sold for $4.6 million to an undisclosed collector.

We wish we could tell you more about the buyer except that a future “McBournie Minute” will complain about the hilarious unexpected pitfalls of splitting ownership of a fancy dress with three other Guys when there are seven days in a week.

Also: never actually wear a dress from a movie called “The Seven Year Itch.” Day One’s been a doozy all to itself.

[Insert trite line from Good Will Hunting here]

Every week, I buy 5 apples at the grocery store. Sometimes they’re Fujis, sometimes they’re Galas. Truth told, they’re usually whatever is the cheapest that’s on sale. I have one everyday from Monday through Friday. It costs me, on average, around 2 dollars.

On November 13th, a box of Esashi apples were auctioned off in Iwate Prefecture for 1 million yen, or $12,130.

A box of apples.

Sold for over twelve grand. We’ll wait for you to stop gaping at the screen.

It’s not unheard of to hear about some of the Japanese paying outrageous prices for “designer” fruit, such as square shaped “space efficient” watermelons, but regular apples? This is nuts. It’s not as if there were even a lot of them! The box only had 28 pieces of fruit in it!

Apparently it was the first auction of the season, and the high prices were due to buyers wanting the “prestige” of claiming the first box sold. Prestige? There’s bragging rights for buying apples?

Can you imagine the terror?

The FBI has uncovered new evidence in their apparently ongoing case against former Beetle and current dead guy, John Lennon! The Bureau swept in and confiscated a copy of his fingerprints before they could be auctioned off, preventing them from falling into the wrong hands.

What would the FBI need Lennon’s fingerprints for? Perhaps they can finally pin him to several of the cases¬† they weren’t investigating him for in the 1970s. Or maybe there are secret messages in the swirls and loops to hidden Beetle cells throughout the world.

That’s right: John Lennon might just wage peace from beyond the grave!

Get a map of yourself for just a fortune or two

Everyone of us wants to own something special, but now people with$68,000 lying around can get something that took over a decade to make: the human genome.

More importantly, you could have your genome mapped. This is important, especially if you’ve been wondering how many times you can find “CAT” in yourself. The bidding to have your genome mapped begins soon, and of course, the starting bid is $68,000, but let’s assume that it’s going to end up several hundred thousand higher than that by the end.

You want to own yourself, don’t you?

Filthy and satanic D&D nerds not welcome in pews

So, earlier in the year, creator of Dungeons and Dragons, Gary Gygax passed away. His memory was honored by super-duper geekfest GenCon, who raised over $17,000 in an auction for Gygax’s favorite charity, the Christian Children’s Foundation. Irony was probably not lost on Gygax. What is lost? The money, as the CCF has decided to refuse the money.

Why? Because the money was raised with the sale of D&D merchandise.

You see, because the money came from a gaming convention, it would disrupt their principles. The group is claiming that this is about the “integrity” of its name, which it says it won’t lend to events it had no hand in.

Oh dear. There’s sticking to your principles, and then there’s just … well, quite frankly, there’s myopia.