Tag: australia

It’s a golden age for the Australian food industry

In Australia, you can now build a whole meal around cannabis. It’s being reported that ice cream, cake and beer made with pot have been given the green light in spite of fears that the “marijuana munchies” could trigger their own red light. Isn’t that just a fantastic name: “the marijuana munchies.” Nothing says panic like terms out of the roaring twenties.

The decision results from an appeal by Andrew Katelaris, a former doctor who was de-registered for supplying medical marijuana to patients, who said,

“Our vision is that anything you can do with soy beans or dairy you can do better with hemp seed.”

In fact, Food Standards Australia New Zealand found that industrial hemp contained such low levels of the psychedelic ingredient known as THC that no one eating food containing it would feel the effect. FSZNZ even went as far as to say that “hemp seed is nutritious food containing sizeable amounts of protein, polyunsaturated fats and dietary fiber.”

The best news about this? Maybe hemp advocates will stop making those ugly macrame bags and turn their attention to food. But honestly, I won’t lose any sleep if they go with just the former.

Tackling drivers, drugs and Keanu Reeves movies

It may not be as crass as Topeka, Kansas’ attempt to get faster Internet by changing its name to “Google,” but town of Speed is definitely putting in the effort.

Speed, Australia, will change its name to “Speedkills” for the month of March to promote a driver safety campaign against exceeding the posted speed limit. Phil Reed, head of community relations at the Transport Accident Commission, hopes it will convince people that speeding should be considered “(as) socially unacceptable as drink driving.”

We won’t know if the campaign made an impact until April when the statistics come in, but we do know that the local “football” team’s gonna love their temporary new name.

It’s Nutella, not Healthtella

Nutella, that hazelnut and chocolate spread from Australia, tends to be a fairly tasty food paste. Slap it on a sandwich with some peanut butter (fact: peanut butter makes everything better, so suck it people allergic to nuts) and you’ve got a tasty sammich. Slide some on a warm biscuit and you’ve got another tasty breakfast treat (or a treat that’s good anytime in the day, as I live in the south). But never should you, or would you, assume that it’s 100 percent the healthiest thing ever. I mean, it’s partially made from chocolate-you’re not gonna replace a grilled fish and pineapple salad with it.

But, as this is America, home of the frivolous lawsuit, that’s never stopped anyone from being dumb enough to feel that their ads calling it a tasty yet balanced breakfast are misleading.

Boars, thrills in Germany

Slices of a boar that went buck-wild in a Hoehr-Grenzhausen butcher shop are up for sale. The boar pushed through the door of the shop, scared away a customer and inflicted 5000 Euros-worth of damage before having the bad form to bleed all over the floor.

As if that weren’t enough, Munich’s train station had a naked Australian infestation. The Sydney Streaker was foiled by a wet floor and slipped even though the stick figure on the caution sign was also not wearing any clothes. It just shows that you can’t dress up stupid.

You should’ve seen the preferred version

Please note: this headline might be considered Not Safe For Work.

Also note: we’re not really sure we’d like to know if there’s a wanted version to be found.

Also note 2-Electric Boogaloo: Since this took place in Australia, isn’t it called a didgeridoo instead?

Beware of Australo-fascists!

Something nefarious is happening in Australian schools.

Last week, Kalgoorlie-Boulder Community High School students were assigned a project–a terror project to be exact. The assignment was to plan a chemical and/or biological attack designed to inflict the most civilian deaths possible.

We took that news with a grain of salt because, if there’s one way to make sure teenagers don’t do something, it’s to assign it as schoolwork. (This is why we still haven’t read The Red Badge of Courage.)

But now–NOW–a Catholic school in Perth gave its top costume award to a nine- or ten-year-old boy dressed as Hitler!

We’re not saying it’s time to distrust all Australians in your midst as potential terror Nazis, just any that seem particularly interested in Hitler, terrorism, scapegoating and your television.

Warrior of the Week: The Crocodile Rider

Animals are our enemies. There is no greater tenet in life to follow.

And you know what? Sometimes animals need to know their place and have that reiterated.

That’s why we’re saluting an unknown but courageous Australian man. Thanks to the amazing power that is alcohol, a man climbed a fence and managed to ride a crocodile, all while being bitten by the beast.

The crocodile, called Fatso, bit the 36-year-old man’s leg, tearing chunks of flesh from him as he straddled the reptile.

Did you read that? Anything named Fatso isn’t exactly cute and cuddly. Also, “chunks of flesh” were removed from the man. that’s serious stuff, yet he continued to humiliate the animal. Even better, he still managed to make his way to the pub to have a drink. That’s bad-ass.

Humiliation: clearly the greatest weapon that we possess next to bullets.

Most Australian story ever

On Sunday, a family from Victoria in Australia’s southeast was involved in a car crash, when the driver rolled a Nissan Pulsar trying to avoid a kangaroo. Had they been celebrating the United States’ birthday, that might not have been an issue. Because we have a severe lack of kangaroos, that is.

There were five people in the car, three children, their mother and her partner, and after the crash, the mother became trapped in the wreckage. Staying calm, one of the children, seven year-old Christopher grabbed his Nintendo DS, and with the screens acting as a light, as the crash occurred at 10 pm, was able to locate his mother’s mobile phone so she could call emergency services for assistance.

Christopher then helped one of his little brothers out of the crash before his mother was able to free herself. For his actions, he’s been nominated by the local ambulance service for a Community Hero Award. Which is nice. But yet again, had they been celebrating my nation’s birthday and been blowing up a chunk of their land instead, it wouldn’t be an issue. Still, they can make up for it by blowing up a kangaroo instead. Purely for the scientific purpose of revenge, after all.

Australian superhero not your normal stereotype

Or possibly one at all. At least, not the usual Australian stereotypes of “HOLYCRAPEVERYTHINGHEREWILLKILLYOU.”

A man in the country, Andrew Leich, managed to take parenting to a whole new level of dedication by allowing a car to crash into him in order to save his baby. THAT IS BADASS.

It’s been reported that the baby is okay and without any injuries. We’re assuming that the same can be said about Leich, as he was asked about the incident. Also, we assume that because he’s apparently made of pure iron.