Update to ‘But who will think about the children?’

Nearly half a year after their $84 million dollar porn filter was hacked by a 16 year old, the Australian government has finally admitted that the whole project was a failure. Hey, at least they owned up to it: it’s been almost five years, and we still can’t get movie studios to admit that Dumb and Dumberer was a bad thing.

The drink giveth, the drink taketh away

Remember those tornadoes that ripped through the South earlier this week, and how our own Rick Snee whined about nearly being killed by one? Turns out, if he really was scared for his life, all he had to do was start drinking the nearest bottle.

That’s exactly what one Tennessee man did. James Kruger was up late watching the Super Tuesday results on television when he saw a tornado warning for his county. Among his other preparations, he took a shot of whiskey. As soon as he took the shot, the tornado hit his house. He hit the ground and prayed for his life.

“Lying there, everything in the house flew over him, scraping and banging his back, Kruger said. Then the chaos stopped. ‘I was laying in the dirt. There was no floor. No nothing.'”

That’s right, there was no nothing left but Kruger and his buzz. Why was he saved? Most likely, because of the drink. Alcohol has been known to have strange powers over otherwise physical realities. It has the ability to play with the time-space continuum, prompting many philosophers to ask, “How the hell did I make it back here last night?” and “wasn’t she prettier when I was drunk?”

However, alcohol even has the power to inspire the evil genius inside us all. The drink inspired one man to threaten to blow up the city of Brisbane, Australia. The obviously inebriated man had a standoff with elite police units ranting about, amongst other things, that he had a device to trigger bombs all over the city.

That device? A television remote control.