Hope you’ve got comfortable shoes

You might want to rethink what you bring along with the next time you’re flying out of Australia. Anything kinkier than [use your imagination, we’re only PG13] may break new laws in the country.

It would seem that tourists are now required to declare whether they’re bringing pornography into the country. If officials think your hidden inhibitions aren’t Australia-friendly, you might be looking at jail time. Ruh-roh.

And to no one’s surprise, the Australian Sex Party is outraged by this move. Which is actually understandable, when you factor in that the lack of a formal definition of pornography regarding this change means that all decisions will be literally subjective and almost never objective. Of course, that’s not to say that the intentions aren’t in the right place: the changes were essentially brought about to combat child pornography (it’s better to think about the children rather than think about the children).

Of course, we all know that old adage about the best of intentions-they just don’t apply to people that like to dress up like giraffes.

Down under round up

Remember the Sex Party of Australia? Yeah, we know, it’s been a very long time, but they’re back, and they’re back with a vengeance. They’ve now begun reporting that the Australian Classification Board has begun rounding up any material depicting women with less than substantially sized breasts in adult publications and film-for an immediate banning. Now, we’re not going to just automatically Godwin the ACB, but, well … we do enjoy snickering when the word “titzi” is spoken.

The reason for this discrimination of the A and A- crowd? The ACB feels that this is a way to prevent pedophilia, in a nutshell. To boil it down, they want to make sure people aren’t turned on and getting all sex-crazed over small breasts, and thus are making sure that all the young-looking women must have really large breasts.

Anyone but me see the basic flaw here?

But wait-there’s more! A burglar broke into the house of the Sciascia family and ran off with an iPod and Xbox. One problem: the legs of Papa Sciascia weren’t exactly up to snuff. The solution? 11 year old Rena grabbed dad’s crutch and gave chase. For 500 meters. The police later tracked down the alleged burglar. Rena’s iPod was lost, but her Xbox was found in a bush near the family’s home. The burglar was never named, for obvious reasons of not wanting to die of embarrassment.

But will the sex part of censuses have to be changed?

It never stops being wild over in Australia. Come Thursday, Australia will have its very own political Sex Party! And when we say “sex party,” mind you, we mean a political party dedicated to fighting a stuffy, sex-negative political environment (and, specifically, that nasty little porn filter, natch), not, you know, a nationwide orgy. Though if the Australian Sex Party gets its way, who knows? After all, just like Jell-O, Australia’s got room for more than one sex party, after all.