Why We Fight: Ant feudalism

Or, ants are godless, sexless aristocratic dirt-mongers

It is a bleak world underground, slaving away for some feminazi despot, when you are an ant. Unless you’re one of the privileged one, born with a silver spoon between your mandibles, your entire life and income has been predetermined by an autocrat.

What we didn’t realize is that this also includes regulating your sex life.

Time reports that no ants are allowed to procreate unless they are the queen under penalty of death. Any ants caught procreating are executed for treason without title or little swap of antiseptic. The remains of God’s creatures, just trying to perform his will, are left in the open as a warning to all other ants.

This is why we fight, animal warriors. We must make the world save for democracy and picnics.