Tag: baltimore

Warrior of the Week: Juan Duran

It’s not just a movie. It’s more than just a newsbite. The snakeheads are real.

And they’re gigantic.

This is why we turn to Juan Duran. A youth in Baltimore, Juan managed to catch a frankenfish that weighed more than 18 pounds and is bigger than four feet long. Some might jump to the thought of it being a world record.

They need to wake up. It’s a not a world record. It’s a warning. I told you all that snakeheads are probably evolving to kill us all. Fish don’t grow that big that easily unless they’re using diabolical and nefarious methods. We need to rid ourselves of these fish, the sooner, the better.

Get’cher own piece o’history, right’chere!

Want to own a piece of Baltimore history, a bit of gaming that helped unseat a mayor of the east coast city?

The city of Baltimore is auctioning off an Xbox 360 that prosecutors say then-mayor Sheila Dixon purchased with gift cards meant for the poor. For shame. And just how many gift cards does it take to make a purchase like that?

The Xbox 360, a single controller and copy of Need for Speed Carbon, are up for bid on eBay right now, with the price now moving at $650 (as of writing this post). Proceeds from the sale will go to Youthworks of Baltimore. The 360 was seized from Dixon’s home in 2008 after allegations of embezzlement surfaced against the mayor. A jury later found Dixon guilty and she resigned from office on February 4 of that year and was ordered to perform 500 hours of community service.

She also had to give up the Xbox 360.

Good show. That was just pun-derful.

If there were any passing tanks of flour, there’d be sweet potato pie for all.

Traffic jams absolutely suck. There’s no other way about it. But how can we make them better?

Make all traffic jams be created by spilt sweet potatoes. In Baltimore, a section of a major interstate had to be shut down for a bit. Why so? A tractor trailer full of sweet potatoes lost its load. A delicious time was had by all the EMTs.

Zebras really don’t change their stripes

It’s spring time along the Chesapeake, and clearly the animals know it, because they are coming out of hiding, most likely with fresh plans to attack and kill us all. Not only are the merciless pandas repopulating, but snakes are going after the region’s travelers.

Now, it seems they are hatching their evil plans of world domination by breaking out from the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. This blog warned something like this could happen if the two mega-circuses (circi?) were allowed to merge. In Baltimore, drivers are used to seeing some weird stuff, but Thursday they saw zebras running around downtown. Luckily, they were rounded up before they could hold up too much traffic.

Then this blog found another startling revelation:

“The same three zebras, plus a fourth, made a similar escape in June during the circus’ visit to Colorado Springs.”

The nation’s capital is now in peril, as the circus has turned its sights to Washington. Earlier today, there were rumors that elephants–not GOP members–were strolling down amongst federal government buildings as evidenced here in this real picture. We need to fight back! Can’t we shoot someone out of a cannon at these monsters?