Tagged: bamboo

| Filed under War on Animals

Panda watch: Looks like pandas eat goats now

The internet would have us believe that pandas are cute, right up there with cats. But then again, the internet also tells us that we can collect our lottery prize money in Africa if we click here. A Chinese farmer has found proof that pandas live up to their classification as bears.

In southwestern China, farmers took video of a wild panda bear chowing down on a goat, which is surprising, because most goats aren’t made out of bamboo. The farmers say the grayscale beast climbed down from a tree and leaped upon the unsuspecting goat. The video they posted shows the panda munching on the body.

You know what else eats goats? T. rex.

| Filed under Take it from Snee, War on Animals

Take it from Snee: Kill the pandas

All will remember the 1600 or so!There are certain rights we expect. The right to live as we wish. The right to own property. The right to pursue Happiness, Sunshine or any other optimistically-named stripper. And, of course, the right to die as we wish.

The latter part has come up periodically over the past decade since Thomas Jefferson didn’t include “death” in the list of A Few of His Favourite Things. (Also left out: kittens, strudel, warm woolen mittens.)

We’ve jailed and early-released Jack Kevorkian, a former pathologist who helped dying people die on their own terms. We’ve removed, replaced and removed Terry Schiavo’s feeding tube until we finally stopped stringing her along and sent her to the happy walking trail upstairs.

So, if actions speak louder than wishy-washy, yet well-intentioned words, then we’ve effectively decided that we do have a right to die on our own terms, to “go out with our boots on.”

So, what about animals? Continue reading

| Filed under War on Animals, WE DID IT!

Pandas almost gone, couldn’t have done it without them

Congratulations everyone! We did it! According to SCIENCE and crazy people the WWF, we’re now just 2 or 3 more generations away from having one less animal enemy on this planet. That’s right, it would seem that the giant pandas are slowly starting to go the way of the dinosaur and pet rocks.

The pro of this situation: no more “fluffy and cute” pandas mean one less enemy to entrance our own weak-minded human compatriots.

The con of the situation: my dream of having an all panda meat fast food chain grows ever so much more distant.

What’s always interesting to note:

In addition to environmental constraints, the animals’ notoriously low libidos have frustrated efforts to boost their numbers. Breeders have resorted to tactics such as showing them “panda porn” videos of other pandas mating, and putting males through “sexercises” aimed at training up their pelvic and leg muscles for the rigours of copulation.

Remember everyone, part of evolution is weeding out the fat losers who don’t want to mate, or adapt their life in any possible way to prolong their own existence. You’d honestly think by now that the male giant pandas would have broken their “No Fat Chicks” rule, but clearly, not so much.