Why we have no bananas today

Today’s Picture of the Day comes from a very serious CBS News article about a study on circumcision, HPV and Uganda.

And while you’re there, stick around for the overly defensive anti-circumcision advocates in the comments. This is what happens when nobody wants to play with your wiener wearing a hoodie.

Six month old ketchup, anyone?

Scientists in India say that they have created genetically modified tomatoes that will stay fresh a full month longer than regular tomatoes.

Researchers said they modified the tomatoes by manipulating two enzymes involved in ripening the ubiquitous fruit, which allows them to extend shelf life by 30 days. Reportedly, the techniques could be used to extend the shelf life of bananas and mangoes.

Is this a good idea? Of course not. Rotting tomatoes were obviously our only weapon in the Great Tomato War. How am I the only person to remember this fact?

You Missed It: Obama does Jay-walking edition

Hi, folks. Have you gotten over your hangovers yet? You were probably out drinking green beer on Tuesday afternoon, just as St. Patrick (or for our Spanish-speaking readers, San Patricio) had asked to be remembered. Here’s a new reason to celebrate, aside from the fact that it’s Friday: it’s the first day of spring! If you were busy updating your mugshot, odds are you missed it.

Well, Letterman, there’s always Cheney
Barack Obama, the current U.S. president that is living in the White House right now and has the nuke codes and stuff, sat down for an interview on 20/20 60 Minutes The View The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Obama has time for these interviews, because he’s not busy fixing the economy. So how did he do? Let’s listen to him describe his bowling abilities.

“”It’s like — it was like Special Olympics or something.”

Ug. Sounds like his material needs a bailout.

Recession punching bag of the week
Last week it was Jim Cramer ruining the economy. This week, we turned our attention to AIG CEO G. Gordon Edward Liddy. On Wednesday, Liddy testified at a congressional hearing, in an attempt to explain why his company had given out millions of dollars in bonuses, some of which were retention bonuses to people who left, after receiving federal bailout money. Liddy apologized to lawmakers and–I’m sorry, mobs are shouting too loud. Can’t even hear myself type. Let’s move on.

Banana pickers working all day really should stop habit of ‘drink a rum’
If you’re like most people, you like your bananas as spider-free as you can get them. However, if you live in Oklahoma, you may want to change to another fruit. In Tulsa, a Brazilian wandering spider was found wandering on some bananas at a grocery store  that had been shipped in from Honduras (which is not Brazil). The spider was saved, even though it is one of the deadliest spiders on Earth, and transferred to a local university. However, the spider did not make it through the week. Due to safety concerns, the spider was destroyed, likely by firing squad.

Come fly the fruity skies

There is sadness in San Antonio, today. Citizens will have to make due with ghost riders in the sky, because they will not see a floating banana anytime soon.

Yes, it was announced last week that there will not be a banana blimp in the Texas sky, as had previously been planned. Really, what state doesn’t need a floating fruit vessel? perhaps the most shocking part about all of this is that the banana blimp won’t happen because of lack of funding.

What is wrong with the citizens of Texas, that they don’t want to donate money to make this blimp a reality? Do they not like proper nutrition or something?