Regarding all matters in the “what the ####” category, Sammy Sosa is saying that a cream he uses makes him substantially whiter. Now, this could be the same cream that made Barry Bonds’ head the size of a watermelon and Mark McGwire forget the past.
Tag: Barry Bonds
Old man Yankee
In our continuing effort to bring the least biased sports coverage out there (as long as it’s not against the Red Sox, Redskins, Steelers, Patriots or Rick’s bowling league) we bring you the latest newsflash that the New York Yankees are old.
We may have touched on Alex Rodriguez a bit, but in the latest part of the saga for number B-12 13 for the Bronx Bombers, A-Rod may need hip surgery. That’s right, the same surgery you hear your granpda complaining about as he sips his gin and smells like mothballs.
The surgery may be brought on by a cyst that was discovered while Rodriguez was working out for the Dominican Republic baseball team, even though he is from the United States. Look how his accent changes from this Peter Gammons interview (soooo American) to this contrived Latino accent in this commercial for the World Baseball Classic!
No confirmed reports have come out yet that the cyst was brought on by Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds and Miguel Tejada taking turns injecting Rodriguez in the bum with Mark McGwire juice.
Eat My Sports: I’m not finished with you yet, A-Roid
Alright, so the roiding scandal of one Alex Rodriguez has been out in the public for roughly a week and a half. And while the Yankees slugger is getting rightfully grilled by every media outlet, a few (*cough* ESPN, *cough* Peter Gammons) are letting A-Rod off the hook by not digging deeper into a story, or by tossing him up a creampuff question that he can slam easier than those 156 steroid-infused home runs at Texas.
So, sure the Material Boy hasn’t given us the answers we’re craving, though he did finally realize that frosted tips are sooooooooo 2001. I am here to give you the true words behind his vague answers in hopes that I can truly help you understand what it’s like to be a baseball player with lipstick. Continue reading Eat My Sports: I’m not finished with you yet, A-Roid
Eat My Sports: No free passes
This past weekend was a relatively quieest one. I wait tables on Saturdays, so I went into work a bit early, and went through my Saturday routine of eating my breakfast while watching SportsCenter. First few minutes, nothing big. There were a few basketball highlights that I could’ve cared less about, the same Michael Phelps’ photo re-played about half a dozen times. Then the bottom line came up with breaking news, Alex Rodriguez, the heir apparent to restore legitimacy to baseball’s hallowed records, had tested positive for steroids in 2003.
The gut reaction was joy. I went through all the signs I could make when I go to see the Sox and Yankees at Fenway in April. “A-Roid” was my favorite, “Material Roid” and “Like A Syringe, Hitting for the Very First Time” were another couple of my timely classics. I high fived some friends and texted my fellow Sox fans, but then the truth settled in, if Rodriguez was guilty, then everyone was guilty. Continue reading Eat My Sports: No free passes