Utahans may finally see drinks being poured

Flair is the devil’s acrobatics!

If you read this blog, there’s a fair chance that you don’t like in Utah. We say this because it sounds like Utah is an awful place for drinkers. For example, it’s a state law that bars and restaurants must pour your alcoholic beverage from behind a wall, so it’s out of your sight.

But that could all change, now that a state lawmaker has proposed a bill to end the so-called “Zion Wall.” Rep. Brad Wilson wants places that serve alcoholic beverages to be able to pour the drinks in an open area, as opposed to the current system, where the bartender could be putting his penis in your drink, for all you know. Instead, drinks could be poured in view of customers, but anyone under 21 could have to be 10 feet back from the area where they are poured. This is important, because even though they’re encouraged to marry by that age, there’s no reason why Mormons under 21 should see the sexiness of a drink being poured.

The Guys are firmly in favor of tearing down walls.

Animals and their human allies ruin a London bar

If you’re in London this month, you’re probably excited about Annie the Owl, a pop up bar that will be open for only one week. You are also probably a crazy person.

The draw of the bar is that you get to drink with owls. For those of you who don’t know, owls are huge, scary birds that can see you in the dark, and have long talons that could slice you up in a fraction of a second. A place filled with these flying death machines seems like a good place to drink, doesn’t it?

Now, the bar has cut the service of all alcohol in response to concerns from animal rights groups. So you can’t even enjoy the bar for the reason you’re there: to get drunk.

Take it from Snee: And you thought the Internet was no good

Just like with the printing press and television, we knew that the Internet was going to change the way the world works. And by change, we meant destroy the very fabric of society, leaving those unfortunate souls who remain shambling around alone into signposts, staring into their pamphlet/portable TV/iPhone.

Good grief, I can barely drink and drive in a straight line as it is.
Good grief, I can barely drink and drive in a straight line as it is.

And, for the most, part, yeah, that’s the way things turned out. In fact, I’m writing this very post while I’m driving. (Calm down, I’m dictating it to my secretary. I can’t write, steer and hold this wine glass. That would be irresponsible — everyone knows how easily Chateau Lafite bruises.)

But, here’s the thing: while, yes, the Internet is a distraction at best and providing a platform to the worst people at worst, it’s also changed some of the old ways we do things for the better.

So, let’s ignore that I am, in fact, one of those worst people from the previous sentence and give thanks for what the Information Superhighway (remember that s**t?) has done for us lately. Continue reading Take it from Snee: And you thought the Internet was no good

The McBournie Minute: I’m still as cool as I was in college, right?

It’s been the better part of a decade since I graduated college. I’d like to think that there is still a lot of the same kid who was spat out of school with a degree and debt. After all, a lot of the people I’m closest to I’ve known since college. I’d like to think that I still have the equal parts passion for what I do and the apathy for taking orders. But this past weekend I realized I’m way off.

I went this past weekend to Ohio University for my fiance’s sister’s graduation. It was probably the first time I’ve spent on any college campus that wasn’t my alma mater. Further, none of my college friends were there, so rather than try to re-live the glory days, I had a chance to see what college is like now. I wasn’t around long enough to get anything near the full picture, but I got a glimpse.

College today would kick my ass.
Continue reading The McBournie Minute: I’m still as cool as I was in college, right?

Predictable consequences ride in the sidecar

See if you can guess where this is going. A helmet-less motorcyclist who was part of a protest against helmet laws:

a) Successfully navigated the roads designated for the route, striking a blow for liberty and proving to all that helmets only protect your virginity.

b) Hit a bump the wrong way, recovered and wondered what could have happened had he fallen without a helmet and made a mental note for future decisions.

c) Donated his brains to the Western New York pavement in an accident that doctors say would not have been fatal had he been wearing a helmet.

If you said c, you’re correct and can probably guess how Ohio’s new guns in bars law will turn out.

Come on in for 75 cent wings!

If you like wings, you’re not alone. Buffalo, barbecue, etc., they are growing in popularity, and that’s actually not a good thing.

Because so many jerks out there like the same bar food that you do, the price of chicken wings is increasing this year. Wings have increased in price by 39% since the 1970s, even with inflation. Last year they cost $1.47 per pound. So we’ll see if gas or wings make it to $3 first.

This is now creating a market for my new idea: buffalo chicken feet!

Virginia is for gun lovers

It’s a big day for RAM members in Virginia, as the House of Delegates has passed a slew of laws to ease gun enforcement in the Commonwealth. Among the best ones which passed the Senate and await signing:

  • Repealing the one-gun-a-month sales limit. Now you can buy all of your relatives guns for Christmas at the last minute.
  • Allowing “gun owners without a concealed carry permit to lock handguns in a vehicle or boat.” Because hiding a gun in your car or boat until it’s time to spring it on someone isn’t the same thing as concealing it.
  • Allowing “those with a concealed carry permit to take hidden guns into restaurants that sell alcohol as long as they don’t drink.” Thank God. There is nobody scarier than the drunk Happy Hourers in TGIFridays. It’s well-documented that bikers drinking Mojo-jitos at the Olive Garden are twice as likely to wedgie you than bikers at home.

But the greatest one of all, which must still pass through the Senate:

  • Banning “localities from being able to prohibit hunting within a half-mile of a subdivision, but allow them to prohibit hunting within a subdivision.” The deer have been allowed to use human shields for too long. Sorry, subdivision-dwellers, but you’re gonna have to put up with some friendly fire. We’re at war, and those who would sacrifice a little safety for liberty deserve neither.

The pink elephant in the room

Americans have made great strides in quitting smoking … well, some Americans.

It turns out that a large percentage of modern smokers don’t support a daily habit nicotine habit, but smoke cigarettes “part-time.” Researchers are trying to figure out why people occasionally indulge in something that’s dangerous, tastes good, relieves stress and gives you something to do with your hands when surrounded by strangers. (In other news: people still eat Hot Pockets between trips to McDonald’s.)

But, of all the scenarios that The Wall Street Journal lays out, they left out the most obvious prompt for casual smokers to indulge: drinking.

It’s well known that booze and smokes go hand-in-hand. Alcohol shares all of the same benefits listed above with tobacco, but also blocks out shameful memories when you go too far with it.

What’s interesting, though, is that the article only focuses on cigarettes. Why not cigars or pipes? What about hookah? It’s pretty obvious that whoever did this research clearly does not smoke.

Sorry, we’re closed

After 77 years behind the bar, Pittsburgh’s Angelo Cammarata, 95, is getting ready for retirement. Well, maybe not.

Cammarata’s bar will be closing down in the next few weeks, which means the longest-serving bartender, according to the Guinness Book of World Records. His sons are 60 and 59, senior citizens themselves, but Cammarata has still helped them with the books and tending bar.

“Their dad is 95, but still coming in every morning, doing the books, and tending bar for an hour or three. Most days he still has the Jim Beam bourbon and Coke that is his drink of choice.”

Folks, this is the end of an era and most of us didn’t even know we were living in it.

(Courtesy of Chris B., who commented, “Road trip.”_

Finally, you can say what you mean

Though you may not know it, the bartenders and waiter who serve you hate your guts. In fact, they have a low opinion of humanity in general, just ask them sometime when you’ve already tipped them. They put on smiles, if they smile at all, and do what they can to keep from tampering with your order. It’s a daily struggle.

Though they may take a long time with your drink, you don’t usually hurl insults at them, especially if you plan on getting that drink. A Spanish bar looks to change your thinking on that. In fact, they encourage insults slinged at their bar staff. So, remember this phrase: Una cerveza, maricon.