In Florida, gators are currency

In Florida, one of the biggest fronts in our War on Animals, one tactical genius may have figured out how to defeat our enemies: use them as currency.

Police charged a Miami man with illegally capturing an alligator, after they say he tried to trade one for beer at a convenience store. The gator was about four feet long and still alive, so really, that should be worth a case or two. Unfortunately, the clerk, and the authorities he called, didn’t see it that way.

He spits in the face of capitalism

The trade-up: everyone’s vaguely familiar with the concept. Here’s a quick explanation-I give you a hot dog. You give the hot dog to a homeless man for his pen. You give that pen to an accountant for a shoelace. You give that shoelace to a nuclear physicist for his clipboard. Eventually, after numerous trades, you end up as the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, or something along those lines. It’s a formula that’s been used many times in different mediums-kids’ stories, cartoons, I’ve even seen it used as a story on a cooking show. But rarely is it ever heard of in real life.

Until now.

Stephen Ortiz, a teenager in California, was given a phone by a friend, free of charge. He took the gift to the cesspool of the internet Craigslist. The phone led to an iPod Touch, the media player created by the company that is the bane of Bryan McBournie led to a dirt bike, and the transportation of teenagers in 80’s movies led to another a Macbook Pro. Eventually, Ortiz landed himself a Porsche.

As someone who works in a auto related industry, 17 year old Stephen’s lifelong dream is a nightmare for his parents.