You Missed It: Sweeps week edition

Hey, guess what? It’s Friday. It’s finally here. Best of all, it’s the weekend before St. Patrick’s Day. That means it is officially time to go out and celebrate your Irish heritage. Even if you have none. Then again, it’s also Friday the 13th–again. So you may want to watch out for ladders you could potentially walk under. If you were busy watching stocks go up for a change, odds are you missed it.

Is the ‘mad’ in Mad Money for craziness or anger?
All week long (or at least it seemed that way), Jon Stewart and Jim Cramer were feuding on the television. It started off with a critical commentary Stewart had for CNBC pundit Rick Santelli and his comments about home owners. The home owners are stupid. No they’re not. Jim Cramer is a douche. Hey, I heard that! Cramer is still a douche. Joe Scarborough agrees I am not. Dora the Explorer swears. Cramer more or less apologizes and says he will be more investigative during an interview on The Daily Show. There, feudin’ over in just one paragraph!

Orbiting trash makes the Space Indian cry
The crew of the International Space Station had to rush to the escepe pod for about ten minutes because a piece of space debris (manmade, of course) was coming at them at several times the speed of a bullet. The object, not bigger than a pencil, passed with in three miles of the space station. How do we know? NASA tracks these things, thousands of them, actually. Wait a minute, they have an escape pod on that thing? Awesome, it’s like Space Balls!

Who doesn’t love the Dutch?
Last week, we talked briefly about how pointless the World Baseball Classic was. This week, it got a little interesting, because some crazy team from the Netherworld Nether region Netherlands beat the heavily favored Dominican team–twice, thus advancing them to the next round. Pedro Cerrano sacrificed a chicken before the games, but it did him no good.

Eat My Sports: You Missed It

Now that it’s over, 2008 was one of the most memorable years for sports. Given that all sports have memories, and until Armageddon we’ll continue to have years, I guess you could say that for any year really. But 2008 was special. It brought us Roger Clemens and Plaxico Burress shooting themselves in the ass and leg, respectively. It brought us the second full season of Michael Vick-free football while he was in the dog bighouse. It gave us Scott Boras coming out of his shell as Satan. So in case you were busy growing a beard and dodging US troops in Afghanistan, odds are you missed it.

One Giant catch, one Patriot meltdown
In easily the best Super Bowl of all-time, the heavily favored New England Patriots fell to the mighty underdog New York Giants. Down 14-10 in the fourth quarter, Elisha Manning led a touchdown drive that cemented David Tyree in Super Bowl lore, and resulted in Plaxico Burress thinking gun permits were just polite suggestions. The resulting touchdown led to a 17-14 upset, as well as year-long gripefest from Bryan McBournie and Bill Simmons about how the Patriots had only won three Lombardi Trophies this decade. Continue reading Eat My Sports: You Missed It

You Missed It: Yes, they are legal edition

It’s Friday, which is known in some countries as the end of the work week. Fortunately, it is not the end of the news cycle–there is no end to that. Is everyone else getting sick of election-related stuff yet? We are, and if you’re looking for updates on the election this week, look somewhere else. If you were busy faking an attack on you because you’re a McCain supporter, odds are you missed it.

The games have just begun
Today is a big day for the moving picture industry. In the much anticipated sequel, the stars of Disney’s High School Musical 3: Senior Year are back for yet another choreographed romp through the halls of their school. This time, Troy, Gabriella, Sharpay, Ryan, Chad and Taylor wake up in what appears to be the lair of the notorious Jigsaw. The Wildcats must spring from their elaborate traps and fight to the death in order to survive, but it’s so hard to sing with those metal clamps in your mouth.

Hey, at least we don’t have to listen to cowbells
Sure, our beloved Red Sox may be out of the playoffs, but believe it or not, Major League Baseball still keeps playing anyway. So far, two games have been played in the World Series, and it’s even at a game apiece between the Tampa Bay Rays and the Philadelphia Phillies. The series now heads to the home of the Philadelphia, where if they are anything like their local NFL team counterparts, the fans will harass, heckle and pummel Rays fans all in the name of good fun.

Everybody hates tourists
Richard Garriott, the latest space tourist, returned to Earth safely on Thursday. He is the sixth tourist in space and the first second generation astronaut. Garriot’s father was on Skylab 3. The incredibly rich man paid $30 million for his 10-day stay in space. Upon his safe arrival back to the planet, Garriott said, “It really reminded me of Space Mountain.”

Crumpets, get your crumpets here!

Baseball is really only played in the U.S.–and Japan–and Cuba–and the Dominican Republic–and OK, anyway, it’s an American sport. It’s the national pastime, and it’s the most watched sport in the country aside from football. But it looks as if the limeys are trying to steal home.

Yes, England is trying to steal the title of country of origin of baseball. Oh yeah? Then why do they play OUR national anthem at the beginning of games?

A journal from 1755 has a brief mention of the game being played in the South of England. Some friends got together on Easter Monday (better known as the day the rest of the world works) and played “base ball.” The alleged game was between the old rivals the Gov’nahs and the Redcoats.

Nice try, England. Next you’re going to try to tell us that apple pie was brought over by Hessian troops you hired to fight us in the Revolution. We are as American as cricket and apple strudel.

Nine year old banned from little league for being too awesome

Seriously.

Basically, the little guy was 9 and already had a 40 mph fastball. Essentially, the league banned him because he was too good for them. When the team refused to acknowledge the suspension and had him take the mound, the opposing team forfeited and went home. Sadly, though, it’s pretty obvious he was kicked out for refusing to join the right team. People only put up with those who are better than them if sucking up will benefit them. If sucking up to the alpha male will not offer any benefit then the betas would sooner kill him and take his harem for themselves. On the upside, he might be noticed by a major league team due to this. Nothing says “really good” like getting kicked out because everyone else looks like crud in comparison.

SG tried to interview the kid, but was told “No, you can’t go down there, if you do, his fastball will literally rip your face off.” Which works for me. Luckily though, he is certifiably Michael Bay approved.

Eat My Sports: &%$@ it, I’m becoming a women’s basketball fan

Don’t read to much into the headline children, that was a direct quote, from a New York Yankees fan.

I love baseball so much more now. Sure, the Boston Red Sox are 4.5 games back of the Tampa Bay Rays and only one game up in the Wild Card. However, my main goal of the season, as a Sox fan, was no matter what the outcome, just to be ahead of NY when the final game of the season came to an end. Truth be told, I’m honestly really hoping for a post-Manny playoff push now, but the fact that the Yankees are almost down and out brings a smile to my face. Continue reading Eat My Sports: &%$@ it, I’m becoming a women’s basketball fan

You Missed It: Unsung hero edition

We find ourselves here again, at the end of five consecutive work days in a row. For many, this is a cause for celebration. The Guys have no Friday plans in celebration of the end of the week. However, if you are playing in the British Open this week, odds are you missed it.

King of Beers regime change
Anheuser-Busch stockholders and executives approved a $52 billion offer from Belgian-owned brewer-giant InBev on Monday. This prompted concerns of damage to national pride and Americana across the U.S., meanwhile, Budweiser drinkers everywhere asked “What’s a Belgium?”

Insert Smashmouth song title here
Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton put on a clinic in the first round of the MLB Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium, hitting a record 28 long balls, some of which have not yet landed. However, he did not come up with the win in the final round–hey, did you hear he was hooked on drugs until he got cleaned up? The following night’s All-Star game lasted an estimated eternity before the American League won in the 15th when the Minnesota Twins’ Justin Morneau scored on a sac fly. By the way, Morneau won the home run derby.

Great time to buy a home
The federal government is going to bail out colossal mortgage lender FannieMae and Freddie Mac, after an announcement this week. See, this all started when the mortgage market, the housing market and so on starting slowing down and people started defaulting …. Sorry, we dosed off there for a second.

Can anyone stop this abomination?
Miley Cyrus said this week she wants to do a new show that would be along the lines of “Sex and the City,” but cleaner and aimed at children and teens. Right, because four female something-teens, each with their own huge Manhattan apartments, giggling over boys and what’s happening to their bodies while sipping flavored water really holds appeal.

Eat My Sports: Jersey watch

With last week’s putrid display of green jerseys from teams that have absolutely no Irish background (New York Knicks and Chicago Bulls to name a few), it’s time to analyze the top five worst jerseys of all-time. These were wardrobe malfunctions that teams actually agreed on. Basically its the sports equivalent of Roseanne Barr wearing that taped on J-Lo dress everyone got so hyped up about (Is that a dated reference now? Am I getting old?). Continue reading Eat My Sports: Jersey watch

Eat My Sports: Wherever I may Romo

Forget college basketball. Forget Roger “I didn’t take no freaking steroids” Clemens, forget the NBA, forget it all. This week we’re tackling romance, but not in that kind of awkward “son, we need to talk” type of way, no, I’m sick of celebrity sports dating. This needs to end.

Honestly, since when has a sports icon’s career been defined by People Magazine or Tiger Beat (is that still around?) covers as opposed to their on field performance. Important figures like completion percentage and assist-to-turnover ratio are being replaced by daily taglines of “what they did on their magical week in Mexico.”

The madness needs to stop. The sports world needs to keep from becoming a mock version of E! Continue reading Eat My Sports: Wherever I may Romo

Eat My Sports: Serious allegiance

In an effort to try and keep the sporting world active in my life, I actually paid attention to this weekend’s festivities in New Orleans for the NBA’s All-Star Game. I saw Dwight Howard visibly put basketball back on the map with one dunk. I watched as Lebron James continued his ascent into being not only the next, but better than Michael Jordan. I watched all of this and suddenly got very, very depressed. Where were my New York Knicks?

Aside from Nate Robinson winning the Slam Dunk Competition a few years back, I am in a free fall as a fan. I have nothing to look forward to. The NBA season starts, I have no hope, we get Larry Brown, and I have no hope because Isaiah Thomas has ruined my beloved franchise beyond a decade-long repair. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Serious allegiance