If you conspiracy theorists out there are looking for proof that Disney has stumbled onto a transdimensional portal to an evil, parallel universe and plans to secretly exploit this at their theme parks, then we suppose this works: Disney park workers can now grow beards and goatees.
A Hispanic woman was nominated to the Supreme Court. California’s court upheld a ban on same-sex marriage. GM may possibly go out of business this week. North Korea has been shooting off short-range missiles.
None of these headlines compare to the true hot news story: an Alaskan man is now the mustache-iest man in the world.
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
