War on Animals Alert: Code Red!
Somehow the bears have found out about our efforts against the animal kingdom, and they’re fighting back. A Vancouver woman was gardening last week, when she was attacked, and bitten several times. Early reports detail that there was in fact no pic-a-nic basket.
Lucky for Canadians and SG readers everywhere, a local police officer shot and killed the oversized Teddy Ruxben on location.
We have finally figured out how to eliminate those annoying dolphins as a species (aside from humiliating them to death for tourist shows). SeaWorld, the world’s largest chain for aquatic gulags, has managed to kill a dolphin as part of its show.
Sharky the dolphin was performing some sort of aerial stunt when it hit another dolphin in a mid-air collision. Now THAT’s entertainment! In the War on Animals, it is always great to see people showing initiative and eliminating the great dolphin threat.
Sadly, we lost one of our boys on the West Coast recently. An animal trainer in California paid the ultimate price in this crazy, mixed-up war, when a “friendly” grizzly bear he was wrestling with bit him on the neck. We proudly salute our fallen comrade. May he go where the bears and their hunts for picanic baskets cannot reach him.
Finally, many of our readers have been clamoring for mention of the shark attack in San Diego last week. There, we said it.
Yes, it is spring–a time when warmth, love and even March Madness are in the air. Trees bud, bears come out of their caves, and humans get the sudden urge to travel.
Science still is unsure what it is in humanity that causes this urge to migrate, or why it has to be some place the individual or their offspring has never been. The current theory is that in ancient times, Neanderthals survived when the seasons changed, by grabbing their primitive cameras and hopping on buses to see big piles of rocks they had learned about in history class. This was a very short class, since nothing had happened yet.
With this in mind, The Guys bring you how to be a tourist. Continue reading How To: Be a tourist